We were having dinner with some close friends Tuesday night on our patio and were chatting about nutrition. One of our friends is making well intentioned healthy changes {less booze, more veggies, moving more} and was sharing how he’s found more of a “balance” rather than eating 100% “clean” during the week and then swinging to the other side on the weekends with overeating, eating foods that taste good but don’t feel good, etc etc and then “getting back on track come Monday” — and he was sharing how much more sustainable that has been for him.
Then Nick started talking about how now that he shares meals with me more often he’s been way more lax about eating (he eats more than any human I’ve met, but he use to be pretty strictly paleo during the week….and then he met me and I was like, “ummm, no. that is not going to work for us.”) and what he’s learned in being more relaxed and more intuitive is that….he doesn’t feel significantly better or worse and his clothes all fit the same. The amount of time he spent prepping and cooking was a lot for how much he was getting in return with how he felt, looked etc when he was adhering to a mostly paleo diet.
I forced myself to just sit back and give a slight grin and nod as they chatted. But inside my soul was screaming “YES, YOU BOTH ARE GETTING IT.”
I get a handful of emails each week asking me to tease apart nutrition advice and rules that people read about on the internet or hear others preach. Some examples include:
Only eating fruit by itself. Or rules on food combining in general. (I’ve searched and found no reliable evidence on why this is “healthy” – if you have something please email me!)
Only eating three meals a day and no snacks. (Your body knows how many meals and snacks you need)
Not eating grains or legumes because it messes up your immune system. (Unless you have an extreme medical condition, I’m certain eliminating these foods would cause a lot of stress and that really messes up your immune system.)
Keeping your eating to an 8 hour window….aka intermittent fasting. Because this improves your immune system, cognitive function, gene expression and insulin sensitivity.
I could and will get a ton of people (some nutrition credentialed people…but many not) making solid arguments with me on why all these things are true and why people should eat a particular way.
But my response is this: does eating this way have sufficient evidence showing significant improvement on people’s long term heath. I’m finding (and I could be wrong and I’m open to discussion, absolutely) that most of these linked studies in these articles have either been done on rats or there is a small sample size. I often find that the comparison is a “standard American diet” and sedentary lifestyle. What happens when you compare all these rigid ways of eating with good old, basic balanced living. A colorful diet that focuses on wholesome food, fruits and veggies, and satisfying foods plus active living, self care, good sleep and intuition. I’m not a scientist…but I would make a confident assumption that the person with strict eating rules vs the person who simply lives a balanced life probably both live fairly healthy lives. My point is this: do the crazy rules and diet dogma result in significantly better health? Is it worth it?
If you’re telling me I might feel 5% or 10% better eating xyz way and exercising xyz way versus the intuitive way of eating and moving I’m doing now….I’m not into it. Why would I put that much effort into feeling 10% better to be marginally “healthier?”
When I say versus, I’m talking about eating nourishing and satisfying foods and moving in a way that makes you happy versus eating and moving according to a set of nutrition rules like eliminating certain foods or eating at certain times. I don’t think it’s fair or a completely true assumption to compare some legalistic way of health with sedentary living that includes a standard American diet. Of course you are going to feel better and have improved physical health if you eat more fruits and veggies and move your body instead of laying on the couch (although there’s definitely a time for that too.)
If I went through life focused on when to eat or what foods to pair with what or what to meal prep or how to count macros to make sure I was “being healthy” I wouldn’t be healthy at all. Actually, stress (aka cortisol) can wreak havoc on our health and it will no matter how clean and green and raw and organic the food on your plate is. ({ –> side note: there are very general recommendations for an “anti inflammatory diet” in this linked article, if you’re eating intuitively, you’re naturally nourishing your body well AND very likely have decreased cortisol so that in and of itself is anti inflammatory as far as I’m concerned :)}
People who eat intuitive are healthier, happier, and live more joyful lives with overall better psychological and physical well being. Eating nourishing foods and moving your body and even drinking green smoothies and running races or going to Crossfit or being really into yoga can be healthy things. But anything that becomes your identity and is elevated and glorified inappropriately becomes an idol. And that’s where things get really icky and destructive.
When I hear people defend wellness with “It’s my passion! There’s nothing wrong with deeply loving something!” I want to respond with, “you’re right – there is nothing wrong with passion and interest, those are good things. But if eating a particular food or eating at a particular time causes you stress/anxiety or your “passion” for nutrition allows other areas of your life to suffer – like relationships or self care or your mental well being…that’s a good intention gone bad.” Just like if you are super passionate about your job but so much so it consumes the majority of your time and head space to where other parts of your well being suffer…like your family and sleep and emotional health…your job is no longer a healthy passion or pursuit.
Whenever I go to Europe I always admire their simpler outlook on health. Eat close to the earth. Eat satisfying foods. Move out in the fresh air. Enjoy good wine. Slow down and savor. I think they’ve been doing it right for a really long time.
Some other posts on this very topic if you want to read more:
Intuitive Eating After an Eating Disorder
The Healthiest Way to Eat {I think}
Intermittent Fasting: Healthy or Not?
“If it costs you your peace, it’s too expensive” — a particularly apt quote considering this post and one that I am currently trying to remember as I tease out the areas of my life that are draining rather than soul-filling (I actually have it as my desktop background as a reminder!). Thank you for your continued guidance and wisdom. <3
YES that quote is so perfect here!!
THANK YOU FOR THAT QUOTE! *praise hands*
I’ve always admired and enjoyed reading your posts. Today you managed to put into words what I’ve been thinking for so long. Very well said. I hope everyone reads this and feels inspired!
Lady, i like your food approach and i am really surprised about your husbands previous way of eating. Sorry but the thought of eating paleo and not enjoying my bread pasta rice or granola makes my brain wanting to explode.
i am from Spain and bread in this culture is so so so important.
In Europe we have a mored relaxed way of eating.- And not, i am not like the fitness bikini body, hi! 22% body percentagem hi BMI 23! but the pleasure i feel when i toast my bread, spread some avocado and puy some iberic ham is priceless.
Be more relaxed, my friend
Saludos!
Ha, I too could not eat paleo like he did — men for some reason can adapt to that without the obsessive thoughts that women develop I find (not always, but more often than not) but we both really really love the intuitive way we eat now 🙂
I really can’t get behind the clean eating thing. I know I’m kind of biased, coming from a disordered past, but I feel like any kind of diet that has strict rules is just asking for an unhealthy mindset. Moderation is key, just don’t overdo anything and you’ll be good!
I love this and couldn’t agree more 🙂 I loved the Blue Zones book b/c it looked at old societies of really healthy, long living people who certainly didn’t follow any diets, but just didn’t have access to processed food. No reason to overcomplicate things!
I’ll have to check out that book!
Oh my gosh amen to this. I tried every diet and eating rule there is only to fall back in a cycle of binge eat and restrict. It wasnt until I stripped back to basics and just ate to be fueled and happy that I found my sustainable and happy balance 🙂
Oh my gosh this is one of the best things I’ve ever read! And it’s SO TRUE! At 32 years of age and nearly 16 years of my life invested into what I thought was a “passion” of mine, I’m here to agree with you that it’s NOT worth it. I think having my own comparison of this with how much stress rigid eating and exercise was causing in my life compared to the significantly less stress I experience now, speaks volumes to how we define health. I choose to live a full, balanced life. One free of food rules and stressful timelines and I am MUCH happier and less stressed because of this decision. I only wish it hadn’t taken me 16 years of my life to figure it out!
Thank you, for this post! I struggle so much with restriction in eating Andy exercise, Andy what you are addressing in this post, is exactly what I am seeking to train my mind, heart, and body, to believe and implement. I also agree that living in an extreme mindset about food choices, does cause stress on your mind, because when I fall into that mindset, I feel overly stressed about what and when I am eating, especially, if it falls outside of my “plan” I’ve created for myself.
Blessings to you! Much love!
Too often I overhear conversations encouraging disordered eating, and there are not enough people talking about intuitive eating like nick and his friend were – so thank you for being part of spreading the word!! A note on Nick’s eating in the past – coming from a history of disordered eating and exercise, it is so important to me that my significant other has a healthy relationship with food – I just feel it’s going to be harder and harder to find nowadays!
I think it’s important no matter what for your significant other to have a healthy relationship with food — even if you don’t have an ED past it’s easy to be influenced. Sharing meals together is a huge part of an intimate relationship – thinking of you and that you find someone who embraces the pleasure of food! xoxo
You’re right on the money with that statement about Europe. I moved to Switzerland last year (where the most chocolate is consumed in the world – around 20 lbs per person per year!) If you can’t beat em, join em. Cheese and chocolate forever. <3
FOREVER!
This was very encouraging to me. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
I love this post so much! After having an eating disorder for almost 15 years, I am still working on finding the right balance for me and not placing so much importance on eating and exercising “perfectly.” I became so tired of reading conflicting information and constantly “tweaking” what I was doing, that I realized the only way to find peace with food and my body was to strive for balance and real health versus thinness. Your blog has helped me soooo much in my journey.
I completely agree – everyone has to find what works for them! I went through a phase where I was counting ever calorie and exercising for extended periods of time. Yes, I liked the weight that allowed me to achieve, but it was not sustainable!
I love that Nick was able to share that with your friend, because I so agree that the simplicity of eating and living intuitively is much more freeing than idolizing anything that relates to health. Sometimes I think people can create more stress trying to be ‘healthy’ than just living intuitively. I know I did that for so many years.
You always describe Europe and their simplicity around food so well. It’s so wonderful.
Also, this is a little aside, but thank you for making such pinnable images for your blog posts. 🙂
This is perfect for me right now as I’m trying to create a genuinely healthy balance for myself post-pregnancy.
The only bit I really didn’t agree with is the penultimate paragraph. Europe is a big place and we have our fair share of health freaks and junk food addicts. For some people the stereotypical Mediterranean lifestyle is still a reality, but it’s certainly not a European norm these days.
You may have something on the speed thing though, as when we were in the US people kept getting confused about how long we took to enjoy our meals out.
You’re very right Lolly that Europe is big and has a lot of different food/culture dynamics that cannot be generalized into one statement but whenever I travel there I experience a WAY different diet/food/health culture. Slowness is good 🙂
Love this post! My peers always comment on how “healthy” I eat (I don’t really like the word “healthy” because I feel like it really doesn’t have a true meaning). To be honest though, I don’t even think about the way I eat as “healthy” anymore. I just eat what I crave and that just so happens to be more whole foods than a lot of other people. I think the difference between my outlook on eating now versus when I struggled with trying to adhear to rules and restriction is that I try not to overthink things anymore. Striving to go with the flow and eat with ease is so important and definitely very rewarding.
xxMeah
I tell myself all the time that stress is the worst thing for me. If a certain way of eating causes stress, that stress outweighs whatever “good” the healthy eating did. I think Rachael Hartley wrote a blog post about mental health as part of total health, and I couldn’t agree more. Still, I have to confess that it’s way to easy to get caught up in the latest food/exercise/health trend.
Thanks for writing!
I always love your posts and perspectives. Similar to some of your readers, I have a disordered eating background. But I’ve been a vegetarian for life, for many reasons (including I’ve just never preferred the taste of meat). Now that I’m through the thick of it, I am making certain dietary choices for ethical reasons. I have a large hunch that some of the ways that I would deem more ethical styles of eating are also some of the ways that would make many bodies feel best, but I don’t preach that. I think people really have to go through their own journeys with these things and if people are listening to their bodies and desiring a compassionate lifestyle, who knows where they’ll end up? No judgment on my part on any dietary choices people choose, but I thought I would share since I know my perspective may not be the commonly shared one. 🙂 Wishing everyone wellness and always, balance!
I very much agree with you Emily – that everyone is on their own journey and I DO think that for the majority of people if we are truly eating intuitively our bodies naturally gravitate towards more wholesome foods because they FEEL GOOD. happy weekend to you!
Oh I just love this! And you 🙂
I think we can all agree that our grandparents (or great grandparents) generation definitely didn’t stess about the next superfood/health fad/crazy diet & instead followed that amazing thing known as common sense – & were a lot better of for it.
Eat the cookie in the afternoon, have some veggies with your dinner (plus a buttered bread roll or three…) sip some wine & enjoy the spontaneous midnight pancake bonanza that just needed to happen. In fact I think embrace the midnight pancake bonanza should be by new motto 😉
Keep posting Robyn! Also would adore some more posts on balancing hormones of all kinds- they’re fascinating! (Especially love the science- don’t worry about getting too detailed!) 🙂
xo
midnight pancake bonanza…HA. love that 🙂
will add that to my list to share more!
Here’s an article on food combining from an Ayuredic perspective: https://www.banyanbotanicals.com/info/ayurvedic-living/living-ayurveda/diet/ayurvedic-food-combining/
In Ayurveda, food combinibg has a lot to do with the subtle qualities, tastes and energetic properties of food. Being mindful of food combining can help improve our digestion and keep our digestive fire (agni) strong. In my experience, experimenting with combinations can lead to great personal insights regarding personal strengths, imbalances and overall dietary wellness. Just a perspective from this wisdom tradition!
Hi Nicole! I think what I think with that is….isn’t that the same as intuitive eating? Finding out what feels good in your body and what doesn’t…I could be wrong but intuitive eating seems to align with eating foods that feel best to your digestive system?
“But anything that becomes your identity and is elevated and glorified inappropriately becomes an idol. And that’s where things get really icky and destructive.” This. So true. This is my problem with these strict food “rules” that are based on so little science. Anything that holds you hostage and doesn’t allow you to listen to your own body can definitely become destructive. Thank you for writing this! I love your down to earth approach.
thank you Marion 🙂
that goes beyond food too…exercise, job, beauty, money etc etc
i whole-heartedly accept European’s philosophy on healthy living…i wish we will move towards that soon here as well, starting from our dietetics program.
SO MUCH YES to revamping the dietetics programs!
Yeeeeeessssss! You are such an eloquent writer, Robyn. Thank you so much for this.
I have definitely experienced this over time. I went from eating fast food all the time and always feeling sluggish to eating complete paleo. And now I am really starting to see the difference in a balanced life. Eating out a couple times a week makes life so much easier. Going on vacation is never something I panic about either, if anything I get excited to experience new food!
I totally agree with everything you wrote! I did the Whole30 in the beginning of the year and by the end I was so irritated and grumpy! I have to say, everything I ate was delicious and it was a great way to try things I might not have otherwise, but my whole life had become cooking and revolved around what I could and couldn’t eat. It was So hard to eat out or even over at someone’s house so I basically stopped and became antisocial. I felt great physically, but for me it definitely didn’t outweigh the mental and emotional state I was in. I’m back to eating healthy, but normal and feel much more happy and relaxed!
Yes!! Love this! My granda doesn’t have a clue about nutrition, just been eating his staple potatoes, meat, and veg all his life. He just turned 87 and he’s still as healthy as ever! I think the stress associated with any form of restrictive eating almost negates any possible health benefits!
I was going to write a post EXACTLY like this, 100% in agreement. Now I’ll just share yours because I couldn’t have said it better myself!
I wholeheartedly agree with everything you said– having recently gotten back from a trip to Florence and Paris I was astounded by just how FREE the French and Italian are with their eating. Everything is prepared with such love and meals are enjoyed together with amazing wine and just enjoying those around you — I hope to eventually embody that lifestyle one day. It will take time but I learned so much from their way of life!
yes yes yessssss. I think this line falls differently for everyone (and different in every season) when it comes to passions and at what point they become an idol. But it’s such a slippery slope!
Love these few lines from this post: “But anything that becomes your identity and is elevated and glorified inappropriately becomes an idol. And that’s where things get really icky and destructive.” I think the problem is we are so concerned about our identity, which I am guilty of, and don’t really listen to our bodies. Listening to our bodies can be a bit hard but it’s so worth it / rewarding.