Over the past five years working with women through Real Life Women’s Health as an RD and now caring for women everyday as a Nurse Practitioner (in addition to every day friendships and conversations) I’ve noticed a theme when the topic of hunger comes up….that being, we tend to resist our hunger. And with that resistance comes judgement telling women they shouldn’t be hungry. And out of that judgement can come frustration and shame. As if hunger is some pathological problem that shouldn’t be happening in our bodies. The only way to make physiological hunger go away is to eat. Not to chug water or make a cup of coffee or distract yourself. Only eating will satisfy hunger. And eating means calories. And in a calorie obsessed world, ingesting calories (which is simply a form of energy that our body requires to sustain life) has somehow become a fear based behavior. A normal, necessary, behavior – just like breathing in oxygen – has been twisted into something we no longer do intuitively, but rather with obsession, great attention and even resistance.
But it’s not really all our fault for these judgmental thoughts and shameful feelings around hunger. If we aren’t actively disengaging from diet mentality, we will become consumed by it. Non diet talk and thinking is not the norm. We live in a world absolutely consumed by diet and exercise. A world where thin and skinny are associated with worth and beauty. A world where appetite and hunger is almost seen as unladylike…or something like that. I think that’s changing and we will see a huge shift in our generation, but I don’t think we’re quite there yet.
Hunger is not something to suppress or associate with shame or judgement. I’ve found if I can help clients shift from judgement to curiosity around hunger, it opens up a whole new opportunity of discovery. Hunger is a good thing, it’s actually a sign of good hormonal health and regular hunger is a firm indication of metabolic efficiency. Waking up and becoming hungry soon after is awesome. Hunger tells us our body is burning through what we’re eating and utilizing that for energy. It tells us our hunger hormone, ghrelin is working rather than being suppressed. (Also: there are reasons to not wake up hungry, this isn’t a 100% sort of thing – a big dinner the night before, eating late at night, illness, stress etc etc happens and that is OKAY and normal too) More so, feeling hungry throughout the day is great both hormonally and metabolically too. Having an appetite and consistent hunger should be something we are excited about. If hunger is our body telling us to eat (and food is one of life’s pleasures) shouldn’t we be embracing hunger?
You have two primary appetite hormones, ghrelin and leptin. Experiencing regular hunger and fullness means ghrelin and leptin are in sync. If we take emotions out of hunger and fullness and strip down to just the physiology, these hormones signal that your body has burned the energy you last put in and now your body needs more energy. Simple as that. If you never feel hungry, that’s something to look into. Are there hormonal and metabolic factors contributing to that? Are there areas of intuitive eating that could be explored?
With ignored hunger ghrelin continues to increase and over time, if you continue ignoring that hunger your body now goes into energy conservation mode because it’s not getting the energy it needs – it’s how the body compensates. And when this happens over time, it’s harder for our bodies to settle into their set points. In a diet riddled world, I’ve found this cascade of things happen:
Ignore/suppress hunger >> ghrelin levels rise >> ignore/suppress hunger >> stress hormones rise because of assumed starvation >> body compensates by conserving energy >> frustration because 1) you’re eating less and not achieving your goal of losing weight (which isn’t a healthy goal to begin with) OR even more frustrating, weight gain occurs from elevated stress hormones (which isn’t crisis, it’s just your body communicating to you). Our bodies are pretty awesome at burning through energy and maintaining our own, unique healthy set point f we give it the tools to do so. And that means enough nourishing food.
One of the most rewarding things about working with women at Nutshell in addition to seeing women regain their menstrual cycles naturally – is watching the freedom that comes with embracing their hunger through intuitive eating and the “a-ha” moment when they realize the high metabolic capacity of the body. The human body has a high metabolic potential if we are eating intuitively, nourishing our bodies well and not fighting our genetic set point. With all that in mind, our bodies can and will burn through pretty much anything we put in it.
Your identity is not found in how little food you need to consume to feel full. And your worth is not found in how much or how little space you take up. And being hungry or ravenous is not something we should be ashamed about. Having an appetite and eating more than toddler sized portions doesn’t make you less of a lady. And it certainly isn’t something we should ignore in an effort to lose weight or lose those last damn five pounds. Because even though your weight doesn’t matter, ignoring that hunger and eating less is probably exactly why any weight your frustrated with is there in the first place. And even more importantly, it’s never about your weight. It’s about something so much deeper. Your body can manage its weight and size so you don’t have to. You just have to take care of yourself. And that includes both rest and movement and both cupcakes and kale.
All very true…but I also notice a different, problematic attitude among women. It’s like there’s a kind of pride in being hungry – the “omg I’m starving, I haven’t eaten all day!”, and still not going to get a snack, kind of thing. Super annoying. You know, there’s a way you can fix that hunger, right? EAT!!
I always hear this too! A sort of bragging about how little one has eaten..
Agree with that conversation too — it’s an internal justification that manifests verbally to make us feel better/more secure with food I think and we don’t even know that is our motivation. Hopefully that will change with time!
This is an awesome point, Robyn. Love how you work to take the idea of hunger to curiosity. And i love how you touched on hunger being good from a hormonal standpoint- thats a great point.
In a similar way to shame around feeling hunger, it feels shameful to need to put on weight. I stopped birth control 8 months ago and still have not had a period. I’m also still floundering around in pseudo-recovery from anorexia/exercise addiction. I know that my body is not at its natural set point, but it feels so wrong to say, “I need to put on weight”. There is so much emphasis in our culture that we should always be striving for weight loss or muscle gain and fat loss that is just feels morally wrong to accept that I need to not only put on weight, but put on a good amount of body fat. I am trying to immerse myself in intuitive eating and HAES blogs and resources as a way to combat these thought, but girl, it’s hard! I recently turned 30 and am getting married in September. To put it frankly (and something I seriously never thought I would say), I want babies! And I am using that as my motivation right now. I also want a bigger, freer life and I need to accept that a smaller, flatter, bonier body is not going to get me any of those things.
I could not agree more with your comment! Robyn – I would love to hear your perspective talking about how it is seen as “bad” to actually be trying to GAIN weight. You see all these ads for “lose weight doing XYZ program”, and maybe it is because those who need to gain weight are dealing with an ED and they don’t want to step into those territories. but in my opinion, if someone who has a food addiction and is severely overweight, that is just as much of a health issue as someone who is underweight.
Agree we both these lovely women! I would love a post about overcoming the stigma of ‘needing to gain weight’ in a society that places such a value on being thin rather than healthy, thriving & fully functioning!
Such an important topic 🙂
You are amaxing Robyn- & I value every post you write girl!
Honour that hunger & eat to thrive & be fully alive!
Xo
It’s on my list Jenna to write about – love this topic!
Thank YOU for reading, I value YOU!
Agree we both these lovely women! I would love a post about overcoming the stigma of ‘needing to gain weight’ in a society that places such value on being thin rather than healthy, thriving & fully functioning!
Such an important topic 🙂
You are amazing Robyn- & I value every post you write girl!
Honour that hunger & eat to thrive & be fully alive!
Xo
I think this is SO important to address and completely agree Lauren! I am going to add this to my list and think it will make a great blog topic! Sending you lots of love and support <3
I’m in totally the same boat – it’s so frustrating! It’s so hard to wrap your mind around gaining weight being a good/necessary thing, when your brain and all of society is telling you the opposite! Hang in there, you’ve got a wonderful future ahead of you, babies and all!
Agree with all the above! I think it is also hard knowing that you need to gain weight (because you are not at your actual set point, no period, etc) even if you don’t look deathly thin. It can be so easy to become stuck in pseudo recovery and the thoughts of “just being naturally smaller.” While this can be true, most women NEED a good amount of body fat to optimally function, which is so hard to accept in this culture!
Hi Hillary! IT IS SO HARD. You are working against a very strong message (back with tons of money for advertising) that tells us we SHOULD be WANTING to get smaller – when in fact many woman need and want to do the opposite. Hang in there, keep immersing yourself in non diet culture and know that you will have great influence with your story! <3
“Ignore/suppress hunger >> suppressed gherlin >> begin to eat less >> body compensates by conserving energy >> frustration because 1) you’re eating less and not achieving your goal of losing weight (which isn’t a healthy goal to begin with) OR even more frustrating, weight gain occurs from elevated stress hormones (which isn’t crisis, it’s just your body communicating to you).”
Um… THIS GIRL! I got on this train years ago and can’t seem to get off. Granted, I also snack often (or binge…) to soothe anxiety, so I never really feel hungry for that reason as well. I’m definitely in a difficult cycle and trying to figure out how to get OUT! Thank you for sharing!
Thinking of you Katie as you navigate learning and listening to your body – try putting hunger into two buckets – emotional and physical and then writing out some ways to satisfy both. You will move through this! xo
“Your body can manage its weight and size so you don’t have to.” Yes! Everything about this line and post in general hit me hard.
Great post, Robyn! I love that you incorporate factual, scientific evidence into all of your posts — more proof that our bodies were created so perfectly, not to be fought against! I also have a request for a future blog post… could you write on the topic of water intake? How much is enough? Should we be forcing ourselves to drink “enough?” How can we tap into & trust our intuitive thirst signals? Is there any truth to the idea of drinking a glass of water before meals to avoid becoming too full?
Thanks, Robyn! 🙂
Adding this to my list! Great topic – thank YOU for reading! xo
AMEN to all of this. Learning this from you was probably one of the most freeing things for me. I learned I could be grateful for the feeling of hunger knowing that my metabolism was actually working and functioning like it was supposed to; I learned that I could embrace the hunger and nourish my body. I’m so thankful to be eating like a woman now, not like a little child any more.
Your posts give me so much strength and encouragement as I navigate through my own journey. Thank you for that.
This is all so confusing. I am 4 years out into menapause. How can I continue to eat like I was prior to the change? I had to make nutritional choices/changes. I have been a devoted gym rat/ healthy eater/non-smoking small female all my days…( am 61). I now find with added cardio/weights…. various elliptical machines, still running and walking our 3 dogs (usually a 24,000-30,000 steps a day gal), it is hard to not gain! I have to scale back on my portions, take away sweets ( have not had ice -cream since my 40’s-)…. etc etc. we went to Italy last month with 3 other couples and all had gelato everyday— breads/pastas… I could not—- did not. I made my way to do extra walking hills for an hour daily cause I leave in dread to put weight on in this stage of life….. it is hard. Btw I made -froze-took your delish granola trail cookies and had every morning with a cup of coffee and my daily devotional. Love the blog– wish it/blogs were around in my younger days…. lots of good information. Thank-you! I drink lots of water when the hunger strikes…. I drink more.
Hi Cindy! I SO HEAR your frustration and you are not alone, many women in your age frame feel similarly. Perhaps it would be a good idea to talk with a trusted dietitian since this is something that I think would be benefited by some conversation. It’s okay to eat when you’re hungry and not suppress that with water 🙂 Thinking of you!
Loved this so much! You always bring so much wisdom to the table.
Great info, love this!
Robyn. THIS POST is so good and so needed! As someone who has gone through an eating disorder, I remember taking ‘pride’ in how little I could eat and still feel ‘full.’ Now on the other side of recovery, I can see just how twisted of a viewpoint that is. The unfortunate part, is that as you mentioned, tiny ‘lady-like’ portions are SO prevalent in our culture and I am sick of all of the food shaming. Thank you for speaking the truth, in love and for bringing such an awesomely balanced view on this corner of the internet!
The “unlady-like” comment really resonated with me. I eat a ton and my husband’s family always comments on how I can “really put away food” and they ask me “where do you put it all?” Perhaps it is society that has told me that eating too much is deemed gross and unlady-like and so I always take offense when they make comments. 1. I hate when people are watching what and how much I eat and 2. I feel like it makes me less of a lady. But the bottom line is, I love food! I have no weight “issues” or concerns, I have a rather fast metabolism, and shouldn’t feel shame when people say anything. Just struck me how much society’s impression of food, eating, and portions really factor into my view of myself as a “lady”
I feel the SAME When when other comment on my appetite – they don’t realize that it has a surrounding intention to induce shame and often those comments come from insecurities on the person saying them. Embrace that appetite girl and keep keeping on 🙂
Great post, as always! Your “unlady-like” comment is something I’ve thought about lately. It seems like in media/tv shows/movies the more “masculine” characters will be shown eating a lot (or rather, a normal amount). So, a “guys’ girl” character will be scarfing down tacos and ice cream while the “girls’ girl” character is picking at a salad. It drives me crazy and totally perpetuates the hunger stigma I think.
the media has a way of always inducing unhealthy thought patterns and belief. bahhhhh. I hear you!
SO MUCH YES to this entire post! So happy you share thoughts like this with us!
Ahhh so good! Never get tired of your posts like these. Especially loved this and have found it to be so true in my life: “If we aren’t actively disengaging from diet mentality, we will become consumed by it.” That’s why I love reading your blog because it is such a safe space away from diet mentality!
I sure hope we get to that point you’re talking about, where the culture as a whole can shift away from the notion that hunger is something to be feared and that eating is a sign of weakness. A wonderful post, as always.
Thank you for putting this into words! I relate to this so much! ????
I feel like I somehow have to justify myself out loud every time I eat, like “I am so hungry, I don’t know why… that’s why I am eating.” But being hungry and therefore eating is obviously what you are supposed to be doing!
YES. It makes complete sense by our society creates shame around it so we have to work to reframe that!
I love this post so much! It is something that I see my friends and I struggle with in an almost daily basis. My friends who have never even had a full blown eating disorder– no one is immune really. Hunger shame is ingrained in our social dialogue. Women are *supposed* to be “dainty eaters.” Truthfully, the average American woman is quite active and, as you often tell us, needs far more than daily recommended intakes say. I try to remember that brains can deceive us (especially disordered ones) but when your body tells you something– it’s not lying.
Mikey, it’s so interesting to me that you mentioned that even your friends who have never had an eating disorder struggle with. It’s so true! Having come out of an ED (that, I might add, I hid VERY well from my closest friends), I hear my friends make comments about calories, weight, portion control, etc. that sound like my old self talking, yet I don’t believe my friends are in the middle of an ED themselves. It’s everywhere, and it makes me crazy! It’s like there’s an unwritten rule that you must leave a portion of your meal on your plate and comment on how you ate too much (I recognize that you could certainly feel like you overdid it without even finishing the plate) to make sure no one thinks you actually ate “too much.” I’m rambling, but I am with you on the fact that no one is immune. Hunger shame is ingrained in us.
So agree with what you are saying Ash and thank you for carrying the conversation further – I think 90% of our culture has some degree of disordered eating and we don’t even know it! I hope that people like you and Mikey and others can gently reframe comments so that over time, I do believe we will see a shift. Keep living a positive message!
NOBODY is immune – you said that so well Mikey and I think if we recognize that, we are more aware of disordered thoughts/patterns and we can more easily combat them!
I love this post. Everything in it resonates with me. There is so much I wish was different in our society..but alas. I echo the comments above about gaining weight in a weight loss obsessed culture. It is so hard. As always, your words help me feel like living in my body should be care-free and joyful, not stressful and restricted. Have a great weekend!
I’m looking forward to writing about that very topic – hang in there Julianne!
I really appreciate this post. It is the first time I have thought about the fact that when I was in my ED, I regularly found myself not hungry. I didn’t know at the time it was a sign that something was out of whack (nor would I probably have accepted that fact), but I just felt good about the fact that I could give myself strict portion sizes and not feel hunger between meals. Anyway, I appreciate your obvious love for women’s health and how hard you work to change the culture around eating and health. You and other bloggers (like Kylie, another fave of mine) are changing readers one step at a time!
LOVED this blot post Robyn. It’s so true…having hunger and an appetite as a woman is seen as a negative attribute. I could care less about calories, but in a calorie obsessed world, it’s a hard thing to convince people of that they are not a negative-but rather a positive thing as that means nutrients! Thanks for spreading such an important message! XOXO
I loved this post! After a restrictive eating disorder, coming out the other side I thankfully respect my body and my hunger than I did. However it also has opened my eyes to the attitude that as a culture have towards women and food. This bizarre notion that not having healthy hunger is ‘a win’. That you are somehow ‘giving in’ if you eat when hungry. Like WHAT??? Thanks for the post!
I KNOW. When you really think about it, you’re like this makes NO SENSE!
Yes to this! When my husband and I eat dinner together at night, we’re basically consuming the same portion sizes / same food, regardless of whether he cooks or I do. And without fail, I always have dessert or a snack afterward. When we first started dating, he figured I would eat less than he does, but that’s not usually the case. I embrace my large appetite and if I’m ever self-conscious about it, I remind myself that food is fuel. What my body wants, my body gets 🙂
keep on keeping on Edie! I completely agree and am nodding my head to all this!
Robyn, your blog has helped me so much get a healthier perspective of hunger and respecting my body. Keep writing these messages! They’re making a difference.
thank you for the encouragement Abby!
I have never eaten normally in my life. I am 35 and was anorexic in junior high and then vacillated between binging and restriction for the last 20 years. It was horrible. But thanks to you, Kylie, and the Lord’s grace, I am finally trusting my body to know how much I need to eat (which is so bizarre, btw). I am the mother and primary care-giver to my two children who have cerebral palsy, and apparently I need to eat a lot of food. I have been thinking of these hormones you highlighted the other day as I get hungry and full and thanking God for designing my body with everything it needs to get through life on this Earth. You are changing the world, Robyn!! Blessings to you. ~Tracy ps, the posts highlighting what you eat in a day have been so helpful to me.
Aww Tracy thank you for sharing your story! Know that through your journey, many other women will be influenced by you! xo
I am still on the journey to agree with these ideas, because I feel like this is an easier thing for someone to say who fits in society’s idea of a “normal” size. When I was heavier, I was judged for what and how much I ate by other people eating the same amount as I would eat. It’s great to talk about set points, and eating what your body tells you to eat, but the reality is that it’s easier to live in the world as a thin person than a heavy person. There is so much less judgement when you are thin (take it from someone who has been at both sizes!) It’s even harder to try to heal amenorrhea when the solution seems to be to exercise less, eat more, and gain weight. Nobody congratulates you for gaining weight. My body might be healthier, but I’m not sure my emotions catch up at the same rate. This would be much easier if society as a whole agreed with these ideas.
Sorry for unloading all this. It’s just something I think about each time I see pictures of you and your slimmer friends. All of this feels much harder to accept when I have a fear that my set point might lead me to a much much heavier weight.
I SO HEAR YOU Ashley. Our society is has a weight stigma and I couldn’t agree more that it is MUCH more difficult to live in a larger because of all the culture expectations and perceptions of “health” and what an “acceptable body size” is. I would encourage you to listen to Christy Harrison’s Food Psych podcast where she has guests in larger bodies on her podcast frequently to promote the dismantling of the weight stigma. I hope it encourages you – your voice is so important! <3
Love this post! I recently posted on my blog all about why glorifying hunger and ignoring your body’s pleas for food is so so wrong and just silly when it’s a natural phenomenon that actually lets you know your body is functioning properly. It’s like, we both fear being hungry but also like it because it means we’re consuming less. I say a big loud NO to that.
Well said Nicole!
Hey Robyn, I’m really interested in the idea that ghrelin is a marker of overall metabolic health and I wondered if you had any great papers/references that explained the science a bit more? I’m especially interested in ghrelin being suppressed over time, super interesting! Thanks
Here is an article on ghrelin / leptin (in particular obesity) https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17212793 explaining how they all work — I think it’s important to note that ghrelin goes down indirectly because the body conserves energy when we ignore hunger because now we’ve triggered the stress response. So it’s that you’re less hungry from decrease energy use (in favor of energy conservation) and therefore have less frequent/intense ghrelin signaling….make sense?
Totally! At least I think so! Will have a read but I might have more questions for you ???? I think the link here with chrononutrition is so interesting too – the idea that metabolism is higher in the morning so it makes sense that you’d be hungrier in the am. Thanks for sharing.
Loved this post and will be saving it to read later – thank you!
so glad you enjoyed!