I’m capping off this week with a guest post from one of my dearest friends, Jena. She’s the friend that calls when you’re texting her because she knows what you really need is to talk and cry it out. She’s full of life, wildly vulnerable and a woman you want to be around because she gently nudges you to grow more into who you were fully created to be. She’s been a huge part of my New York story, stood by me on my wedding day, and even now that she’s ventured to Nashville, she’s still the one I call when I need to cry it out. I hope you all enjoy her!
Have you ever had one of those moments where you were so nervous you thought you were going to throw up? Maybe it was before you gave a presentation at work. Or maybe it was when you were around a guy you really liked. Or maybe it’s the anxiety that still wells up inside before you head into a social situation where you don’t know anyone.
For me, it was when I had to quit my first “big girl” job.
When I graduated from college, I had everyone else’s dream job. I had somehow landed a position on Wall Street at a bulge bracket bank, working in the investment banking division. This company had invested A LOT in me. I interned for them, they sent me overseas to work for their abroad practice AND they trained me for an entire summer. I was not a cheap hire. Not to mention – the head of the group was an alum of my school, well known and had personally advocated for me in the process.
To say I was nervous would be an understatement. I was scared of what the head of the group would say. I was scared of what my coworkers would think. I was scared that I was leaving behind a really great opportunity and that my career would be DOOMED forever.
But fear had been ruling my life immensely back in those days.
I had manifested and fed a life sucking eating disorder during that time, fueled out of my fear of not being perfect enough. It was my way to control. People’s opinions of me roared in my head and I became so succumbed to other’s impressions that I was stuck in a viscous downward spiral. The job’s strenuous nature (100 hour work weeks!!) further nurtured that bondage. I felt like a fraction of myself. In a weird, twisted way, my ED was a comfort and I feared what would happen if I just let go. But it got to a point that was do or die. Literally. I knew I had to begin making some drastic changes, tell fear that it was a liar and actively step into freedom. If not, I knew I would find myself in some serious trouble.
So I put my big girl panties on, told fear it would no longer keep me in quicksand and quit my seemingly big girl job.
It was the best decision I ever made.
Since that terrifying, yet immensely freeing decision I’ve had the best time in my career. I kicked my ED to the curb. Not overnight. But I made a decision to stop engaging in destructive behaviors. It was a process, there were good days and bad days. But over time, I started focusing more and more on what mattered and less and less on what didn’t matter. And I stopped living my life through the lens of everyone else.
Instead, I now sink into what God says about me and who He has made me to be: a little rambunctious, overtly passionate and gifted with a curvy bootay that will never fit in size 2 jeans. So by stepping into freedom, I was able to finally prioritize the things that were good, true and life-giving. And my life has never been better. Seriously.
Our culture talks a lot about FOMO. You know, “fear of missing out.” It’s silly, I know. But I suffer from it from time to time. Sometimes it’s relevant, like the FOMO I feel when my two old roommates are hanging out in NYC without me. But sometimes it’s not relevant at all. Like wanting to be like that person-you-don’t-know-who is at that cool event you know you’ll never get to go to. But I believe there is one thing you should always have FOMO about: The Fear of Missing Out on Freedom.
That should be the only fear you cultivate these days. Because freedom is where authentic life begins. And it is so SWEET.
I want that for you. To be free of the expectations of others. To be free of body bondage. Gosh, wouldn’t it be amazing if all the women in this world put as much energy into doing good works as they do into losing weight? Imagine what we could accomplish?! You were meant for more than just surviving in fear. You were meant to thrive.
So kick fear to the curb. Quit your soul-sucking job. Eat intuitively. Say goodbye to toxic relationships. Step into freedom where, I promise, life is much more peaceful and expectant and GOOD.
Onwards and Upwards, my friends.
Jena Viviano is a career coach who helps go-getter professionals figure out what they want to do with their lives and how to get there. She has personally maneuvered the treacherous waters of multiple career changes – starting out in investment banking, moving to the New York Stock Exchange and getting her hands dirty at the growing career advancement startup, The Muse. She kicked fear to the curb, launched her business full-time and moved to Nashville to pursue her dream of becoming a southern belle.
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I was in a kind-of-similar situation, but on a smaller level I guess. I finally had a “good” job but it was just emotionally and mentally draining, and my mental health was suffering big time. It was scary to do, but I finally had to quit and do what made my soul happy instead. It’s scary but so so important to listen to your heart and do what’s best for you! I’m glad you were able to do so, and thrive in the process <3
Ugh! YES. I’m totally there. I think it’s important to make strategic moves, along with following your heart. The two have to be connected. Unfortunately we often lean one way or the other! Glad it resonated with you Emily!
I truly needed to read this today – THANK YOU.
Glad it resonated with you! Hopefully it was an encouragement. 🙂
Love this post and your boldness. I remember his fear when I quit my first job too well. Thank you for an encouraging, real post!
I didn’t feel bold at the time! But I’ve learned to embrace it. 🙂
Wow. Thank you Jena sooo much for sharing this; this is uplifting and encouraging to me and I’m sure it will be to many many people. There is freedom and joy in your face, and wow I’m so glad that God led you to quit that 100 hour/week job. Would anybody be able to survive that many hours of work?
The short answer is no. Unless you are seriously called to that – which I definitely was not. I went on to work at the NYSE and just felt this peace when I got the job! It led to so many better things!
Love this: “I knew I had to begin making some drastic changes, tell fear that it was a liar and actively step into freedom.” Your post made me think of that verse that says God’s perfect love casts out fear! There is something so amazing about women who OWN who they are and don’t let society tell them how to look, what kind of career to have, etc. Thanks for being a great example of that!
Love her! I have written similar sentiments recently! Thank you for sharing her!
Jena, it was so nice to read your encouraging words. I can see why Robyn loves you. I’m currently a college sophomore, and in the rare times that I allow myself to think about the future, I get paralyzed by fear. I have all these big dreams that don’t really go with the societal norm, and I just think, what if I fail? What if I suck? What if nothing pans out and none of my dreams come true? That’s probably my biggest fear. Thankfully I have left the disordered eating as a way to cope with stress far behind me, and I’m definitely a lot more okay at this stage in my life with trusting the process and accepting that the only thing I can do is follow my heart and the rest will fall into place.