Since we live in diet culture, most of us have been influenced at one point or another by our environment. Maybe you were first exposed to diet culture inside your home at the dinner table. Maybe you were first exposed in high school when your girlfriends started dieting for spring break. Maybe you were first exposed in college when the pressure to fit in was high. Maybe you were first exposed in the grocery store line as you glanced through the magazine covers while waiting to check out.
We all have a different story. But most of us have been exposed to, and negatively influenced by diet culture. I took me years to realize I didn’t have to participate in diet culture. Because it was so engrained in my everyday life and everyone was talking about their body and what they ate, I thought it was normal.
We don’t realize how much of our everyday thoughts and subconscious have been hijacked by diet culture. And for me, and maybe you too, I didn’t even realize it was happening until it did. Because unless we actively work against diet culture, we will eventually become passive victims. I use the analogy of a raft floating in a river with clients to describe this. If you imagine getting on a raft and just laying there, the raft will float downstream with the current of the river. The current is diet culture. You have to move your arms and peddle upstream in order to not float downstream with the current.
I remember being really frustrated when I couldn’t stop thinking about calories even though I tried. And almost all of the the clients I work with feel the same way at one point or another. They are working against diet culture, but the disordered noise is still in their head. Sometimes it’s just a pesky whisper and sometimes it’s all consuming. Maybe you feel similarly too?
One thing we work on together is reframing thoughts. Before the reframing process can begin, you have to be able to recognize the disordered/diet culture driven thoughts and beliefs. And then you can begin dismantling these thoughts, and instead reframing them into actual truths. Often positive affirmations can help in this process.
Here are some common food/body beliefs and thoughts I hear and some reframing of those beliefs that might be helpful for you.
“I can’t trust my body since whenever I eat xyz I gain weight.”
Your body has been there all along. Your body is waiting for you to stop fighting it. Reframing that might look like, “I’ve broken trust with my body by trying to control it. My job is to listen so I can nourish and care for my body, and my body’s job is to manage my body size.”
“Seeing my friend count macros [or eat paleo or workout every day or eat vegan] makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong.”
Often, we compare ourselves to other people and start questioning if what we are doing is the “right” thing. Whenever this happens, whether it’s food related or something else, reframing it might look like.. “Controlling my food and feeling obligated to exercise a certain way is not in line with my values. That is for them, but not for me.”
“If I let myself eat whatever my body is craving, I’m going to gain weight and then people will think I’ve let myself go.”
Culture makes us believe that smaller body size = you have your life together and under control. The truth is, fighting your natural body size means food and exercise are controlling you. Reframing that might look like, “If I let myself eat whatever my body is craving, I can give my body the opportunity to find it’s natural size and feel more in control of my life.
“Being known as the smaller person makes me feel above average and set apart from others.”
Micromanaging your body size by controlling your food intake and exercise habits is not unique. We live in a world where the majority of people are trying to micromanage their body size and control their food. That doesn’t set you apart, it makes you just like everyone else. Reframing that might look like, “Accepting my natural body size and listening to what my body needs sets me apart from the majority and allows me to live out my values and purpose.”
“I’m afraid of calories and what eating over ‘x’ amount will do to me.”
Calories get a bad rap. We fear calories and think of them as something that has to be controlled or they will do something harmful to us. But what if you started to think of calories in a positive way. Calories = energy. They help us. Reframing that might look like, “Calories don’t do something to me, they are the energy that do something for me. Calories help me focus at work, care for my kids, engage in a conversation, move my legs as I go throughout my day…”
“If I don’t exercise most days, I will gain weight.”
We often believe that we need to do structured exercise everyday in order to maintain our body size. Our bodies require energy simply to breathe and for many things beyond planned workouts. First, ask yourself if controlling your exercise is preventing your body from finding it’s set point. Then, remember if you are tuning into your body’s needs, it will tell you how much to eat to meet your body’s energy needs. Reframing that might look like, “My body requires energy for many things beyond structured movement and it will tell me how to nourish my body no matter what movement looks like throughout the day. I don’t have to micromanage.”
I hope these were helpful. If you have other beliefs that keep you stuck in controlling your food, exercise or body share them in the comments. I can always do more posts like these 🙂
Please do more posts like this, Robyn! I find your insight and guidance very helpful.
This is amazing, Robyn! I love how you shift those thoughts– such a great thing to practice and the more you practice, the more those thoughts become intuitive. Going to share this post to all!
These are SO GREAT! I love the one about feeling unique. When I was obsessively exercising, I really DEFINED myself as a “runner” and I truly believe that it set me apart from everyone else. One of the reasons I was afraid to let go of structured exercise was that I didn’t know how to define myself without it. But, this alone, helped me to realize that my identity was wrapped up in my disordered thoughts and THAT wasn’t healthy. By letting go of structured exercise and being a runner, I discovered myself all over again. I found out that I am also a great friend, puppy parent, wife, wanna be violin player, lover of wine and reading. Reframing this belief really helped me to see outside of myself.
I can relate to this! I was very attached to my identity as a runner as well and there are still times I feel lost/inadequate now because I no longer run the way I used to. Like you, however, I have been amazed to find how many other ways I enjoy spending my time- painting, reading, joining more committees, socializing more, being more spontaneous, etc. It was really nice to read my own thoughts coming from someone else. Thank you for sharing!
There are so many other life giving things we can explore when we give ourselves time to do it instead of working out – thanks for the reminder Trista 🙂
Hi, Robyn!
Sorry to comment on an old post, but I found something disturbing that I hope you can do something about.
Unfortunately, there is a subsection of the social media site Reddit which takes positive posts such as yours and mocks them. Here is an example: https://www.reddit.com/r/fatlogic/comments/br0xn3/not_eating_a_second_slice_of_cakemicromanaging/
I have contacted the Reddit admins about this and encourage you to do the same.
Thank you for this! So helpful, and so needed at this time of year.
High school was the time period when I unfortunately discovered the calorie restriction diet. It was an awful time, numbers would plague my head and I recoiled socially. But over time you start to realize the emptiness of that routine, and find fulfillment in more gratifying practices.
I am a silent reader, but just had to comment to say how helpful this post was. Thank you <3
Love this Robyn! My bible study group from Cru made a little portable little flip book with notecards held together with a metal ring that we put a limiting belief on the front of each notecard and a positive bible verse contradicting the thought and pouring truth into our minds. We decorated the cover with scrapbook paper so we could carry these in our backpacks and memorize uplifting scripture for hard times when our minds get the best of us. Positive Affirmations are such a great tool!
I LOVED this. And related to it so much, especially in regards to the exercise piece, controlling food and exercise and being small making me ‘special’ and the fear that if I gain people will think I have let myself go. This was a great reminder going into the busy holiday season that it is okay to just enjoy this time and not be so fixated on all of this stuff.
It is very much OKAY. Wishing you a joyful holiday season Samantha 🙂
i absolutely LOVE this post. i can relate to so many, if not all of the things you listed. i’m struggling right now with wanting to lose weight/diet/etc and be intuitive. the struggle is real!
It is HARD! Keep your chin up and looking ahead Lindsay <3
Wow that point about having a smaller body = being in control hit home. I had no control over my life when I was xx kg. Diet culture had control as it was telling me to work out for 2 hours a day and eat under a certain amount of calories. When I feel those niggling thought again or see other people engaging in diet behavior I remind myself of what that life was like and the things I can do now that I couldn’t before (go out for dinner, travel without googling the closest gym…). Another great post 🙂
Yes! Reminding yourself of what your natural body size allows you to do is so helpful!
love this, love you. favorite part: “accepting my natural body size and listening to what my body needs sets me apart from the majority and allows me to live out my values and purpose.”
…can Christy Harrison have you on her podcast already?!
hahah I WISH 🙂
I really needed this! So powerful and so true! Recovering in this diet world has been a struggle and finding peace and inspiration to just be me is difficult. Keep doing these types of posts! I would like to know what you might change the thought of too much sugar into?
writing down your sugar thought for another post! xx
Yes would love to see more “reframing” posts! This is awesome. My favorite is the one about control… so true that we THINK we are in control when really the food/exercise is controlling us!
Yes! its the lie of diet culture…we have to call it out. xx
In regards to other people dieting/working out/eating vegan, in the words of Amy Poehler, “Good for you, not for me.”
Great reference.
I am a new reader – this post really spoke to me where I am right now in my recovery and actively choosing not to indulge in those disordered thoughts and beliefs that would hinder recovery. I will definitely be reading the rest of your blog! Thank you for your wonderful way with words.
welcome Emily!! thank you for reading and I’m so glad the post resonated <3
Wow, this is powerful. Especially the parts about eating over a certain amount of calories really hit me; I still have that in my head often (that I will gain weight) if I eat over 2000 or 2500 calories a day. I know that’s not the right way to look at calories.
Also one of the diet culture lies that I have often let get inside my head is, ‘I need to be a certain size to be healthy’ instead of naturally embracing that size that I am now and buying clothes that flatter that size instead of trying to fit myself into a certain size.
I love that analogy of getting off the raft of diet culture; we really do have to mindfully go upstream against the diet culture.
Calories are completely arbitrary …our bodies are really the experts. Thanks for sharing Emily 🙂
It’s like you wrote out all the messages my ED would tell me! I’m so thankful to not be in bondage to these thoughts anymore – I’m not completely free from them, but I am coming along. Thank you!
I’m celebrating your freedom with you Katherine!!
Absolutely love this post. Your words and thoughts regarding the diet culture are so inspiring and insightful. Please keep them coming!
🙂 <3
You hit the nail on the head with this one, Robyn! Love you insight (as always). You’re such an inspiration in this community!
thanks for reading edie 🙂 xx
Hi Robyn,
I love every word you wrote on this topic. In fact, I’m loving to read your entire blog after discovering it through Women’s Health mag. I’m following your blog now, from the Azores, a small group of islands in the middle of the Atlantic, belonging to Portugal. Have you already heard of it? Have you been here?
I would like to leave a question: I absolutely love the idea of not fighting your natural body size but what if my natural body size is really large and I feel bad with myself when I get there?
Hello from Azores!! How fun! Welcome Ines 🙂 I haven’t been there but I’ve heard of amazing things about Portugal and would LOVE to go.
That’s a great question – here is a post that I did last week that might be helpful. <3
https://www.thereallife-rd.com/2017/12/positive-body-image/
Thank you so much 🙂
SO much yes to this post. Thank you for writing it. I needed to read it today. I struggle with this stuff constantly and especially related to, “IF I LET MYSELF EAT WHATEVER MY BODY IS CRAVING, I’M GOING TO GAIN WEIGHT AND THEN PEOPLE WILL THINK I’VE LET MYSELF GO.”
I have been trying to “lose 10 pounds” for as long as I can remember (probably started in high school and I’m in my late 20s now). For me, I feel like I’m giving up or failing if I accept my body as it is (which is at a perfectly healthy weight/BMI). I have just always felt unsatisfied and like I need to achieve something in order to feel good in my body. So, acceptance or letting myself eat whatever I want feels like out of control failure to me. It’s such a hard mindset to break free from! Thanks again for this post.
the first step is getting off the diet train and saying NO to diet culture — NO to pursuing weight loss and NO to controlling your food my objective measures. Once you decide you’re not going in that direction, you can continue walking forward (although it’s bumpy and those thoughts come back…keep disobeying them) <3
Loved this post! I think for me and for a lot of people, what is difficult is dissociating your identity from your body. It’s so easy to fall into that spiral where you think of yourself as only at one body size and it’s terrifying to let go of that because then, who are you? I think that was the biggest roadblock for me.
I would also be so interested in hearing your thoughts on healthy weight loss, and how if you don’t feel happy in your skin because you are in a larger body than you feel is right for you, if weight loss can be a healthy option.
pursing weight loss as a goal is never a healthy option. Here is a post that might be helpful <3
I think the challenge is accepting your natural body size - even if it's not the body size you would pick. love to you!
https://www.thereallife-rd.com/2017/12/positive-body-image/
Thank you for your thoughtful reply Robyn. I am definitely not at the place where I am pursuing weight loss or anything like that; I’m quite happy with where I am right now, but the reason I asked is just, I read Andie Mitchell’s memoir “It Was Me All Along,” which just sparked some thoughts in me about when it’s okay to seek weight loss because it will make you happier and when you should just accept your body.
I absolutely love this! I am recovering from anorexia and obsessive/compulsive exercise and sometimes find it hard to not feel bad when I don’t workout for more than a couple days…I definitely struggle with that thought that the exercise that I do that day makes me more productive in my day. Some days are better than others though! I also hear that thought that strong exercise culture tells me that I am weak for not working out but I am trying to push past that! 🙂
take those throughs to trial and challenge their truth – are they true? or are they arbitrary beliefs? <3
Incredibly written and insightful. Yes, yes, yes to all!
<3
Thank you thank you thank you, Robyn! Really great post.
<3
Robyn, this post is on point. I have had each and every one of those thoughts (many continue to plague me still on a daily basis) and this post offers such positive spins on the negative talk that I dole out to myself all the time. Since you posted a couple days ago I’ve already come back for a reminder of the positive counterpoints to my diet mentality. This post will certainly become a reference guide for me. Thank you!
I’m so glad it has been helpful Katherine! Rooting for you!
S, so helpful! My dietitian, Reba Sloan, always talks about tuning in to our “truth channel.” We have to listen to truth and forget all the lies culture may tell us!
love that! your “truth channel” –> totally using that with clients, thanks for sharing Maggie 🙂
I love this post so much. I’m needing encouragement and reading through some blogs from you and others. I wonder if you might write about particular food fears sometime? I would love to read that!
Would totally be open! Anything in particular about fear foods?
Hi, Robyn! So being vulnerable here but for me, I still have fears that I try to work through about foods that have been put down in our culture. So if for example I’m eating sugar, dairy, or wondering about food preservatives or coloring, I can worry about the cumulative impact these foods will have on my body over time and if by eating them I will do more harm than good.
Very much admire your vulnerability and sharing with me <3 I think that's a complex question but this post might be helpful! working through those fears can be individual and working to reframe those beliefs. I what is encouraging is that heath is so much more than what's on your plate. I think working towards intuitive eating will lead you to a place of physical nourishment and mental/emotional satisfaction.
https://www.thereallife-rd.com/2017/07/clean-eating/
https://www.thereallife-rd.com/2016/06/whatishealthyliving/