How are you? If I’m honest, in the beginning I was seeing a lot of silver lining in the circumstances with having Nick home (he usually works at a co-working space) and lots of family time and nowhere to be. But after 4-5 days, reality hit and now….things feel really hard. We are so fortunate as a family. Nick has a secure job and he is the majority of our livelihood. As an NP, I have job security. Nick, Cal and I are all healthy.
Like I wrote in the newsletter I sent out a few weeks ago, things feel weird and fragile and uncertain. And understandably so, fear and anxiety can take up camp in our hearts as all the “what ifs” run through our minds. COVID-19 is impacting some far more deeply than others. My brother works in the restaurant industry and for the time being, he is out of a job – a huge financial burden for him. Nick’s cousin has a daughter with T1DM and a wife with rheumatoid arthritis (plus 2 other little children) and he is out of his restaurant job too. Small businesses are hurting, parents are juggling working full-time at home while having to homeschool their littles. Life is hard.
We are doing the simple, yet impactful things of social distancing, thorough hand washing and keeping ourselves healthy with eating regular meals and snacks with carbs + protein + fat (even if that means canned + frozen foods), drinking lots of water and getting as much rest as we can. Which is sometimes laughable with a teething 15 month old. We’re doing our best to slow the spread, protect those more at risk and help where we can. Running to the grocery. Buying gift cards to small businesses. A smile and hello from a distance. The simple things matter!
How are you doing? How is your experience with all this? I am constantly thinking of all the nurses and healthcare providers working endlessly, courageously and selflessly through this <3
A LIFE UPDATE
I am currently taking time off from my job. I work at an outpatient clinic so even though we are seeing sick patients, we are also only seeing half of our usual patient load and providers are being sent home early – so even though me being away isn’t a burden for the clinic, I still have guilt that I’m not/can’t do more right now as a nurse during this time. I’m not working for a couple reasons that I’ll share more about in the coming weeks, but the big one is that we’ve had a family medical emergency that has rocked us. A week and a half ago we got one of those wake-you-up-at-night calls at 11:30pm from Nick’s brother telling us his mom had very unexpectedly gone into cardiac arrest. We drove back to the Midwest (after having negative COVID testing because Nick had been sick the previous week) and have been here with family since. She is currently in the ICU on a ventilator with a long, uncertain road ahead. It’s been a emotional rollercoaster of grief and sadness, but immense hope and laughter sprinkled in there as well. I am thankful work is so supportive and we can be home right now. That is all I’ll share for privacy sake, but if you pray, we’d so appreciate your prayers.
I’ve been off social media for the past 3 1/2 weeks. I plan on staying off until Easter. I originally planned for a month, but then realized it coincided with Lent and although I didn’t plan it, I knew unplugging from most digital stuff would be good for my soul. I read Digital Minimalism in two days right after we got back from London and it sobered me up on my tech use in the best way.
I recently turned 31. THIRTY ONE. I feel grateful for another year of life & health. But at the same time, I feel like I blinked and suddenly I was married and a mom and responsible for a little life and the weight of that responsibility hits me in a good, yet heavy way. I like birthdays – not because I enjoy the celebration, I am actually awkward and weird about that – but because they provide a pause. To think and reflect about what is behind you and what could be on the blank canvas ahead.
I share those three things – hard family stuff, technology quietness, and being a year older – because together, they are creating space for me to sit in discomfort & uncertainty, two places I quickly want to wiggle out of – and to think and process A LOT. I feel the kind, tenderness of God closer than I have in a long time. And that’s a good place to be.
COVID QUARENTINE
In addition to the slew of emotions that have come with my MIL being critically ill, COVID-19 is an added layer. There are no visitors at hospitals – sometimes they will allow 1 person under certain circumstances in the ICU. That is so heartbreaking. Understandable from a safety standpoint, but brings me to tears from “this is my hurting family” standpoint. I am human. And beyond our immediate situation, I’m sure you are also feeling a mix of feelings (and oscillating bouts of hope and self doubt) as we ride out this pandemic.
We are here in Illinois for the next several weeks. Cal & I will drive down to Indianapolis to see my family here and there, but overall we are camped out in the Midwest for a bit. Whether here or VA, for me, the quarantine is making me feel tired and discombobulated, sad and at times anxious with the unknown timeline. I feel like my days are blurring into one big haze. I feel like I have no time, which is weird because I have a wide open schedule. I am encouraged by humanity. I am hopeful. I am thankful for moments of deep, deep peace about everything going on in my family and the world. I am eating lots of sweets and sugar and that is good for me. Having a 15 month old is exhausting, but also a complete source of joy & light in times like these. I love toddlers.
Nick and I have talked a lot about how to use this time well & navigate this stormy season the best we can. Are you also feeling discombobulated and like WHAT DAY IS IT?! You’re in good company. Hi, I see you. We are in this together juggling the weirdness of life. Here are some things that are acting as anchors to my days and making me feel a bit more tethered.
- time in the bible every morning – this is hard for me on a daily basis with wonky sleep and a small child, but this is a non-negotiable for my emotional/spiritual health right now and so Nick and I are swapping toddler duty so we each have 15-30 minutes of quiet time in the morning
- daily walks – my in-laws live on a very remote farm in Illinois so there isn’t anywhere immediate to walk BUT they do have a very long driveway (~1/3 of a mile) so I walk up and down and up and down a couple times a day while listening to a podcast or talking to a friend
- nature, nature, nature – there are so many cool outdoor spots in Charlottesville (one of our everyday favorites is Riverview) but even here in remote Illinois, there are two awesome nature preserves within a 10-15 minute drive we’ve been exploring every day with Cal no matter the weather. Thirty degrees and severe wind, we are there. Rain and chilly, we are there. It’s more enjoyable when there’s sun, but regardless, the fresh air, Vitamin D and quietness gives me more patience & focus during the day
- changing out of my pjs by 9am & putting on mascara everyday – leggings, a sweater and a few swipes of mascara are a game changer, completely changes the tone of the day
- baking every day – Cal loves to help in the kitchen and having something sweet & satisfying to snack on just helps me get through the days – favorite things we’ve made include these blueberry bars, chocolate pumpkin muffins, this chocolate bundt cake and these chocolate chip cookies (***most of these recipes are vegan because Cal has a dairy allergy and I’m still nursing him – if making vegan recipes is triggering for you, pass on these)
Maybe I’ll do a post on some daily eats during this time if that sounds helpful for you. Also look out for a long, wordy, thought filled post on motherhood & career next week that I sat down a wrote a few weeks ago, but am finally getting around to posting.
Take care of yourself and remember, this will pass and I am in the thick of it with you. Giving you a big hug!
Thank you for sharing the vegan baked goods recipes! My 2 month old has a dairy intolerance/allergy and I’ve struggled (especially during this time) to find food that gives me some joy. I’m going to give some of these a try 🙂
Praying for your mother in law. I can’t imagine having a family member in the ICU at this time – so hard.
I hope you enjoy the recipes! I have found having lots of baked goods around and eating them often to be key to staying satisfied without dairy. thank you for the prayers! xx
It was so nice to hear from you, Robyn. Some sense of “normalcy” hit me reading your post. Thanks, as always, for sharing and I’ll keep you and your family in my prayers!
I think we all need to know we aren’t alone in this wonky season – you aren’t! xx
Prayers for your family. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, as always. I find comfort in your words during this unpredictable time.
Thank you for your prayers Katy <3
Extending a great deal of compassion and prayers to you and your family. I am so very sorry to hear of your mother-in-law becoming ill and with family members being out of work. I hope you can find some peace today.
Thank you so much Kori <3 Take good care of yourself.
Love and prayers to you and your family, Robyn!
<3
I’m so happy to see you posted! I’ve missed your IG and blog updates. I’m with you 100% on the toddler front. We’re both working our full-time jobs from home plus hanging with our toddler. It felt so overwhelming at first, but now she’s *such* a bright spot in our day. I love that she doesn’t know to be anxious or scared about the state of things; she’s just excited that mama and daddy are home! I’m so thankful for our jobs and health right now.
I’d love to see some daily eats, mainly because you always recommend the best recipes. I would also love to see what Cal eats- we’re not used to providing so many snacks and meals for our toddler! Wishing your MIL a speedy recovery.
I am sure double FT work and caring for a toddler requires lots of juggling so hats off to you! Their innocence is so refreshing for sure. They keep us in the moment 🙂
I didn’t think about sharing some of Cal’s eats but that could be a great idea – I”ll try to remember so before/after pictures of his plates to give you some ideas and also shed let on normal toddler eating which is sometime 2 bites of orange or sometimes 3 helping of spaghetti!
Always love reading your posts! Praying for you and your family.
<3
So good to see a new post from you! I’ve also deleted my FB during this time where knowing too much info was making my life way less peaceful than I know I have access to! I love the comment that you are eating lots of sweets and sugar and that’s healthy for you right now. I feel that so deeply. We have baked and enjoyed so many more things lately and it’s been so great. After reading Kylie’s blog for years and years I finally make homemade Kolaches(after drooling for years anytime she posted about them!) and now I’m wondering why I didn’t sooner! Delicious and so satisfying. I’m praying for your family, for healing, peace and protection.
Cheers to baked goods 🙂 Oh wow, I will have to look up homemade kolaches – I didn’t think of making them homemade! I’ve had them once while in Dallas and they were FAB!
I have missed your voice in this space SOOOOO much!! Thank you for the post and I can’t wait for the next one. Keep them coming – if you can. We are all navigating this together and it’s nice to stay connected to others in any way 🙂
Thanks for your encouragement Katelyn 🙂
I love how genuine you’r writing is. Praying for your mother in law <3
Thank you for your prayers Addie <3
So good to hear from you! Praying for you today… and for your family!
So appreciate the prayers Erin!
I always love reading your posts. I’m so sorry to hear about your mother in law- and the fact that visitors aren’t allowed is just heartbreaking. Will be praying. Just curious- I also have a dec 2018 baby and wondering about the logistics of baking with her- would love to try it but how do you do it?
Well, for one it takes 3x a long and gets messy but it’s worth it. I remind myself all the time in motherhood to “engage instead of ignore” …meaning to involve him in as much as I can instead of giving him a pot/pan on the ground (that worked great when he was a baby though!) so all that to say, it’s chaotic and messy sometimes but so fun 🙂
Logistically, we have a learning tower for the kitchen (I’ll link to ours below **it is an affiliate link, but of course buy whatever one works for you!** that I have found is functional, not huge, easily moves around the kitchen and was on the lower price range of learning towers which can go for $200+!!) I assist with pouring measured ingredients into the bowl and try to keep an eye out for him totally digging both hands in the bowl and scooping the stuff out hahah. He also loves putting the lid on the blender and of course licking the bowl 🙂 Hope that helps!
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B083RG6YDS/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B083RG6YDS&linkCode=as2&tag=threlird-20&linkId=2c6fada94976884f6aa73c9f32072e6f
Thanks for posting! It’s great to hear from you. I miss your blog and updates via instragram. While your nutritional and medical content is always welcome, I hoesntly just miss YOU as a person. I find your posts to be so grounding and helpful in my own life, even if we don’t follow the same path or religious views.
I’m sorry to hear about Nick’s mom and I’m keeping your family in my prayers. Savor those moments of peace, prayer, meditation and being in nature. I will do the same. Good to hear from you.
<3 Hillary
P.S. Please share some more of your recipes and baking that you're doing! Needing some inspiration! I recently made Ambitious Kitchen's banana chocolate chip muffins! I'm sure you could vegan-ize them!
Thanks for your kind words Hillary 🙂 Means a ton. Take good care of yourself during this time as well! Maybe I’ll do a weekly eats roundup and share some more. xx
Hello ,
It is good to hear from you Robyn. I am so sorry about your mother in law. I will certainly be praying. Glad to hear you, Nick, and Cal are doing well, too.
One thing that resonated with me from your post is all the change. I am now online for my nursing school and it’s been interesting. I miss not having clinical because you learn so much from the experience! But I remind myself that there are others who are going through for more change than I am. I try to enjoy being at home and use that time to connect with God and to enjoy not having to rush around.
Thank you for your love and thoughts!
Oh man, yes so much change in this season for so many of us! We will become more resilient through it all though. Love to you!
Thank you for your prayers Addie <3
I was so sad to see Sabrina’s post and hear about Nick’s mom. Praying for a full recovery for her. I always appreciate your compassion and thoughtfulness and pertinent reminders in times like this. Also, just wanted to let you know, I think you used the cookie link when you meant to link the digital minimalism book. Looks like a good read!
Robyn,
Just a quick note to echo all of the above – I 100% understand your step back from this space, but I miss you nonetheless! So to the extent it feels right for you, know that we always appreciate your posts. Your reminder about sweets being good for the soul is so helpful in this nonsense of “avoid the quarantine 15!” – & to that point a daily eats type post would definitely be similarly grounding; not as a prescriptive but as a reminder that its ok take care of ourselves.
So sorry to hear about your MIL; I have a grandmother in an intensive care facility that similarly is forbidding visitors, so I empathize with you. I’ll certainly be praying for her & the whole family.
So good to hear from you! I find your posts to be reassuring and grounding- a lovely force for good during
trying times. The way you approach motherhood, challenges, and life in general, seems to move others forward with faith!
So sorry to hear about your mother in law- and so glad that you can be with family during this time.
I am so sorry to hear about your mother-in-law, Robyn. I will keep you all in my prayers.
Thank you for saying, “I am eating a lot of sweets and that is good for me.” I have also been eating for comfort but in a totally healthy and nourishing way. 🙂 Today for breakfast I ate an Ezekiel sandwich with bean soup and for lunch a granola bar, yogurt, and latte. Dinner was an impossible burger with pasta, and dessert was a banana. My eating was simple and satisfying. I have found that facing our mortality and the unpredictability of life in light of this pandemic has helped me focus inward and on my family instead of obsessing over food.
My heart hurts for all those affected by COVID-19 either financially or health-wise. I am praying for your mother in law and brother.
I am trying to understand God and His infinite wisdom and love but hearing the stories of people gasping for breath with not enough ventilators gets really tough and I have been struggling with my faith a bit. I’m going to dedicate a bit more time to daily Bible readings. Thanks for an uplifting, real post. P.S. Now Cal is old enough to help you bake??! Wow, time flies <3 🙂
Issues of faith have been surfacing for me as well. It’s hard for me to close the gap between human effort and divine intervention. If it’s all in g-d’s control, then why should we even wash our hands? (Obviously, I have been very vigilant in keeping clean; this is my attempt at a straw man argument). I am largely unaffiliated but would love to be more. Any thoughts, anyone?
Thanks for sharing Robyn. Your posts and blog are always so encouraging to me. I am praying for your mother in law and your family during this time.
I am sorry about Nick’s mother and hope she recovers soon.
How do you balance wanting to see both of your families with the recommendation for social distancing and sheltering in place? Is going back and forth between two homes social distancing?
It’s hard because all the siblings are coming from their homes. We only see my mom and brother while here. So we aren’t seeing lots of family and my mom is the only one who grocery shops, so we are only at the house. I understand shelter in place but would completely lose my mind without being able to go back and forth. We are doing the best we can!
I see. I thought that as a NP you would be stricter with the public health guidelines to avoid visits. Weighing the collective benefit of shelter in place with the personal wants to see family is difficult.
Thank you! very well written.
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