I’ve written about career & motherhood a few times already. Once right after I had my first baby and once during my pregnancy with my second baby. Part three of me writing about career and motherhood has been a long time coming. If you’ve stuck around over the past couple years, thank you. My firstborn, Caleb, just turned two last month and it completely blows my mind how wildly different my life looks now than it did two short years ago.
Before Cal was born, I was working 40-60 hours a week between this blog, the private practice and the part time work I was doing as an NP on a inpatient eating disorder unit in Boston.
After Cal was born, I did some per diem weekend work at the hospital, saw clients in the mornings before Nick went to work and then did writing and all the other work stuff that comes along with a blog and private practice during nap time. Because with one baby, most days I had a good chunk of nap time.
When Cal was 11 months old, in November of 2019, we moved from Boston to Charlottesville and I started a job working two days a week at a family practice here in town where I focused on women’s health. And 6 months later, I wrote a post reflecting on those months and how I was feeling working a couple days a week. Here’s a little excerpt that I think sums up a lot of what I was feeling.
Since Cal’s birth 16 months ago, I’ve been in this funky space of figuring out what motherhood + career looks like. But even more than that, in a space of discerning what my heart is leading me towards versus what the world is telling me to do. And discerning that has been really hard. I’m an emotional decision maker, which can make navigating these murky waters even more difficult. I really enjoy clinical work – collaborating with the providers I work alongside, being challenged intellectually and the overall non-creative nature of clinical work. I love research, physical exam, interpreting labs/tests and patient education. But if I’m honest, it kills me to be away from Cal those 2 days I’m in clinic. I’ve been surprised with how much I genuinely enjoy motherhood and being at home. I know I sit in the minority here as many women are mentally & emotionally healthier and their families/marriages are healthier when they work out of the home to some extent. So I share this solely as my experience as I know motherhood & career is such tender territory.
I am an impulsive, emotional decision maker which does not often serve me well lol. Thankfully, my husband is the opposite of that and so I’m learning to be a bit slower and more thoughtful. Part of this learning was sticking wit my job for a while despite really missing Cal on days I was at work. I needed more time to discern. More time to give myself the opportunity to see how traditional clinical work felt for me and for my family. I voluntarily furloughed from work due to COVID-19 leading up to Teddy’s birth which I wrote about here, and that furlough rolled into maternity leave. That pause, while unexpected, really allowed me to get honest with myself. By the time Teddy was born, I felt deep in my heart what was the best decision, but I white knuckled it and took my leave with plans to return in September because I was scared. Scared of what would happen to my career and my identity if I didn’t return. I had never been just straight up unemployed as an NP, in a traditional clinical setting at least. So I did some trainings with work (we switched to a new EMR while I was on leave) and had everything set up to return. And then, for a myriad of reasons that are beyond this post, together Nick and I decided I would not return in any capacity and I would not be looking for another position. For the foreseeable future, I closed the door on my traditional NP career in order to be home and raise my babies.
Before I keep writing, I want to note a few things. First, I recognize this is a privilege to be able to choose. I have four brothers and the five of us were raised by only my mom who worked as a teacher. Now as a mama myself, I literally cannot fathom what that was like to raise five babies alone while working full time. My dad was/is completely absent. I respect my mom immensely and she sacrificed in ways that are hard to comprehend. The fact that I have a very involved husband to raise these boys with and a choice to be home will never be something I take lightly. Second, I’m writing from my experience only. I have learned that the choices we make as moms are so vulnerable. So personal. So unique to our individual and family values and needs. I’m sharing what feels best for me and for my family, which could be vastly different than what is best for you and your family. Given that, I’m sharing because I feel like nobody really talks about what it’s like to leave your career in exchange for being a full time mom – full time mom in the sense that this is what I now do for a living per say, not who I am as a person. And I especially found it really, really hard to find other moms who left their career as a health care provider in order to be home.
This decision feels like such a long time coming. I went back to school to become an NP in 2014. I was 25, happily single and had zero thoughts around marriage or kids, except for the desire to have a family one day. I was always someone who thought I’d marry in my 30s. But I didn’t. I finished NP school in December 2016 and was married 4 months later. I married right after I turned 28 and got pregnant 10 months later, still at 28, and had Cal at 29. And then Teddy came along 19 months later. I went from not even being engaged to being a wife & mom of two in less than four years. Now at 31, I wouldn’t change a thing and I feel grateful to tears about the life I have. What I’m saying is, my life looked A LOT different in the few short years coming out of NP school than I ever imagined it would when I entered school. And with that, came a major shift in what my heart desired and what I valued. Motherhood completely rocked my world.
My mom working full time to raise all of us was all I knew growing up. I was in my early twenties and semi-irresponsible so I never actually thought about how motherhood could potentially change my career trajectory. That is, until my first baby was laid on my chest and everything in me shifted. There was now a Before and After. The past two years have been littered with lots of off and on journal entries processing through thoughts and struggles about my career. Lots of prayers. Lots of tears. Lots of conversations with Nick. Lots of trial and error with jobs and schedules and childcare and the logistics. Heck, we freaking moved for this last job. Not entirely, but the job was the catalyst. Now looking back, I’m so glad we trusted God and took the leap because this place feels so, so right for us (although I miss Boston a whole lot) and I don’t think we would have ever moved if it wasn’t for the job that finally nudged us here.
Looking back, I think God was pretty clear from the start. I just white knuckled it and struggled through it for a good two years before deciding to finally do what I’ve been feeling for a long time. In my mind I needed a big neon orange sign from God that said, BE HOME AND RAISE THESE BABIES and like, that’s not how God works.
So in November, I made the decision to quit working clinically for the foreseeable future. Many, many factors contributed to this decision, but for me/us the big ones were:
- I truly enjoy being home and desire to be the one caring for the boys day in and day out
- Our home and marriage are healthier when I’m not working outside the home – everything just jives better
- Lifestyle flexibility – Nicks already works remote and so between that and me not working in a traditional setting that allows us to travel and do things we wouldn’t otherwise be able to do which is really important to us
- I never felt like I could do either thing well when I was working – motherhood felt lukewarm and my NP career felt lukewarm and I felt torn all the time – that felt really crappy to me
- It does make more financial sense for me to work for myself and while that was/is the least important factor, it was a hard one to ignore when being away from the boys isn’t my preference
After I hung up the phone with my boss in November, I wept. It was really, really emotional for me. I had a good cry with Nick. I had worked so hard to put myself through school, we had paid all these loans, and here I was….not working. To the outside world, it doesn’t make sense. I have three degrees, invested lots of money and worked my hiney off to get into an Ivy League school. None of that makes sense to a world that values success and recognition. I grieved the reality that I couldn’t have both. I couldn’t have a booming career and also be the mother I desired to be. Those two things don’t both happen for me. I was frustrated that I felt these strong convictions around motherhood that made a thriving NP career out of the question right now. I feared (and still do) what would happen to my career. What does this mean for my future when my kids are older and maybe I want to work again? And if I’m super honest, although I wouldn’t trade being able to be there for all the little and big moments with my babies, I envied the fact that Nick didn’t have to make this choice. That while yes, we’ve had conversations around him staying home and me working full time, that wasn’t at all what either of us wanted for our family or what I wanted personally. It was and still is hard for me to have values and beliefs around motherhood that aren’t in line with where culture, as whole, is going. It can feel like I’m swimming upstream. I was frustrated that what I deeply desired for motherhood and my home was not conducive to also having a traditional career. Why did God wire me like this? Why can’t I be a mom who enjoys working full or part time outside the home?WHY CAN’T I HAVE MY CAKE AND EAT IT TOO GOD?!
But at the same time, this huge burden I’ve been carrying for the past two years, this heavy indecision, was lifted. And as I’ve moved through the hard emotions, what has emerged is a peace and a lightness that I haven’t felt before. It’s been so incredibly freeing to walk confidently towards where I feel called in this chapter of my life. And that means being home with the boys 90% of the time right now. Where I went to school, how long I went to school, how much money was spent, how hard I worked…none of that matters to me. Working to justify all that just kept me in a place of cognitive dissonance. Life takes us down paths we never expect sometimes. And this path I’m on, I could never have predicted 6 1/2 years ago when I went back to school. But I wouldn’t want to be walking any other path right now. I’m not sure what my career looks like beyond these young motherhood years, but I’m learning to trust the process even when that feels really hard.
So what does that other 10% of my time look like? Nick thankfully, has six weeks of paternity leave. Originally he was going to be home with the boys while I worked at the family practice. But after I decided not to go back, we decided we’d use the 5 weeks he has left (he took a week after Teddy was born and then my mom and in-laws were a great help and Nick was working from home if I needed him) for him to be with the boys on Wednesday and Friday mornings while I work from 8am to 12pm from our home office. So I’m working 8 hrs/week for myself while Nick cares for the babies. I can nurse Teddy instead of pumping and that’s a big win for me. My time is my own to manage and these small chunks of time to be intellectual and have quiet space to work feels like a good balance right now. His paternity leave will last us until Teddy is one in since it’s just one cumulative day per week he’s using and then we will re-evaluate come July and go from there. Being able to just have Nick care for the boys instead of having to find and adjust to childcare has made this possible because for me, that’s such an anxiety producing and stressful process.
I’m only a few weeks into this new thing, but this is what those 8 hours look like and what I plan for them to look like:
- meeting with Real Life Women’s Health clients – I’m capping it at two new clients a month and that feels good right now
- writing blog posts
- researching & learning
- eventually I’d love to start putting together smaller courses/webinars on different women’s health topics that are in the $40-$50 range vs the more spendy courses I now have that might not be accessible to everyone
- seeing patients through Maven
- popping onto IG stories to provide useful women’s health content on Wednesdays and Fridays
So about Maven. I’ve been employed through Maven since right after Cal was born, but haven’t really explored it since I was more focused on a traditional NP career. I am so excited to open up hours working for them – you can make yourself available pretty much anytime that works for you. Essentially, it’s a virtual women’s healthcare clinic that aims to provide more accessible and affordable care to women and families. It’s pretty incredible I think. They employ a slew of clinicians – OBGYNs, NPs, midwives, reproductive endocrinologists, physical therapists, psychologists, pediatricians, lactation consultants, and more. So while it may not be a traditional clinical setting, the telehealth setting just fits for this season of life for me and I’m thankful to have this as an option. My hope is that it will compliment the work I do through RLWH well. With Maven, I see patients for short time slots (10 min vs 45-60 minutes) and can prescribe meds and do all those things if you live in a state I’m licensed in (MA, VA or NY) so I’m hopeful that will help me keep up with the more clinical side of things (aside from physical exam and procedures which of course you aren’t doing via telehealth) and I can still do the more in depth NP/RD work I do through my own practice. I’m also excited to stay connected to a larger practice vs just working solo since I really, really enjoy the collaboration and being a part of a bigger organization.
It’s been a long and winding two years trying to figure out what being a mom and being a clinician looks like for me. And while my dream is to one day get a post-master’s certificate and tack a midwifery license onto my FNP license, that isn’t happening anytime soon. It’s not the right time. So during this in-between time, what I’ve landed on feels really good. Not only for me, but for my family and for my two boys that make this all so very worth it.
Thanks so much for sharing, Robyn. I can say from my own experience, you’re not as alone as you may think with your values and feeling the pull to be home! I so appreciate your perspective.
I was doing pre-reqs when I met my husband, working towards an accelerated BSN to CNM program. We got serious pretty quickly and I had a world-rocking revelation that I did want children. Laying out the timeline when we met, I realized that finishing pre-reqs, getting into a program, finishing the program, establishing a career would make me lucky to start trying to get pregnant at 35. That was not what we wanted. It was such a hard decision, but I quit school and went back to my baking career for a bit. I am now married, have a 17-month-old and am about 6 weeks pregnant with our second. I love my son. I love being the one to provide for him, and yet sometimes I feel guilty for not being able to imagine leaving him to work. The idea of not seeing him all day breaks my heart. That being said, I would love to get more of a break during the day, he’s never been a good napper so I’m lucky to get a half hour to accomplish anything, but he is my heart. I am afraid for when the kids are busy with school and I don’t have a career to go back to. I’m trying to figure out some sort of business that I can start slowly, but I am so lost in that regard. We also hope to move to Maui before the kids start school (I lived there for awhile and that place makes me feel so free and I would love to raise my family there) and that takes money. My husband has a good job, but I don’t know if one parent working is enough. All that to say, you are not alone in your thinking. When I left school I got some grief from some older men who are doctors who said, “oh, people have kids while in school all the time”. Well, good for them. I know myself and my history and I don’t cope well under that much pressure and dissonance between family and work. Being a mother is so so hard and everyone’s path looks different. I am happy you finally feel at peace with that choice. If that’s not a gift from 2020, I don’t know what is!
Thank you for sharing! I left my teaching job, and I was shocked by how emotional I was over it. I feel people in “helping” professions- healthcare, nonprofits, education- often feel their identity has merged with their job. I’ve had to do a lot of reflection of “who am I without teaching?” It’s been scary but also exciting. I am so many other things than my job. Thank you for sharing such a personal post on an important topic.
I appreciate your honesty in sharing this post and how you arrived at the decision. It’s truly a tough one for all mothers, myself included. I have a similar family as yours (2 young boys, 21 months apart) and my second maternity leave helped me recognize that I prefer to keep working full time. I feel like a better mom when I do. At the same time it’s always hard to look at the other side and wonder if it would be better. I truly believe being a “full time mom” as you put it is the hardest job in the world (especially with multiple kids), and I admire the patience it requires.
I think we can all have “is the grass greener?” mentality …I really appreciate your comment and you sharing your thoughts as someone navigating the other side. thanks for sharing Sara <3
Thank you for this! I also worked my hiney off to get into a good school and then decided to go for an accelerated BSN. I went back per diem (in the NICU) after our first, but I wasn’t passionate about it anymore. After our second born in August, I realized I had zero desire to go back. I have plans for things I’d like to do someday (like work with GDM due to my personal experiences with it), but I felt really bizarre feeling like I didn’t want to go back after all the hard work. I was raised by a mother who worked full-time as an NP and a father who is a physician. I thought I’d always work/want to work. Anyway, it’s a weird shift that sometimes makes me feel like an outsider. I’m grateful to hear about someone else who feels the same pull.
Ahhhh! Thank you so so much for this post, Robyn. It actually made me tear up because you voiced a lot of the struggles I am having. This especially resonated: “It was and still is hard for me to have values and beliefs around motherhood that aren’t in line with where culture, as whole, is going. It can feel like I’m swimming upstream.” You are DEFINITELY not alone in feeling this way, and I am so happy to hear that you have peace with the decision you’ve made to stay home with your babies. I am currently reading “The Mission of Motherhood” by Sally Clarkson and it has been so extremely helpful for me in clarifying my role as a mother. Excited to keep reading more from you about motherhood and all the things! <3
I discovered Sally Clarkson right after Cal was born and while she’s certainly “old school” and an idealist, wow, she has taught me to approach motherhood with a joy and delight and thoughtfulness I wouldn’t have had otherwise. she really has mentored me without even knowing it
This spoke to me ohh soo muchh. I always had a deep desire to be a stay at home mom…but never thought it would ever be a reality. When I met my now husband, he said it was always a desire to have a stay at home mother. I am a registered nurse and always thought i’d be working. Now that my husband and I are planning on trying to have children soon– we are really planning on having me stay home full time. It’s scary because I worked so hard to obtain my degrees and I’m afraid of what people will think if I am a stay at home mom or that my worth will decrease? I also have a fear that after taking time off nursing that I’ll lose my skills. But I know I’m super fortunate to even have this opportunity to stay home and be a full time mom.
and what I’m so thankful for with nursing is that it’s SO FLEXIBLE!
Thank you for “entering the arena” and being so vulnerable in writing this, Robyn. I have always been a proponent of the “strong” female who has education and skills and a career. Then I got married and all that changed. All I wanted to do was become a good and godly wife, and work conflicted with that. I want to have my cake (being good at my job) and eat it, too (having time to enjoy marriage and my husband), but it just isn’t working for me. It takes strength to admit that and to go against the cultural norms, but maybe as those of us who feel that our calling is at home share more, we can help write an alternate cultural narrative for the women who want to engage in it.
Thank you again, and I look forward to future content you will share.
Thank you for your encouragement Sarah! I wish more women who do feel strongly about being at home would share with more confidence, not shame and a sense of it not being a worthy role. The home and family are so so important when it comes to raising the next generation I think. Love to you!
Agreed, you are definitely not alone. I have a masters in Speech language pathology and stepped away this year to be home with my almost one year old. We have another on the way and I can say this is the best decision for our family. I have deep beliefs about the importance of being WITH our children, especially in this crazy world. I want to have as much influence on them as I can in the short time God gives me with them. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your story.
Thankful for you.
I share your same thoughts Ashley <3
You are not alone! I am a stay at home mom to a four year old, two year old, and three month old and I wouldn’t trade it for the world – even after attending a pricey college and grad school and “only” working for a few years post grad before staying home. In my group of female friends I am the only stay at home mom (and the only mom of more than two) and my friends have extremely high powered and professional jobs. I sometimes feel awkward that I’m “just” a mom and they’re balancing work + motherhood but I try to remind myself that I’m doing what’s best for my family and they are doing what’s hopefully best for theirs. Comparison is the thief of joy for sure and I find that to be especially true in motherhood! It sounds like you’ve found a wonderful balance and your peace with this decision really shines through in this post. All the best!
I felt similar too you when I lived in Boston – one of the only moms not working in a traditional sense and a surrounded by a lot of “high power” careers. I hung out with a lot of nannies at the playground and library ha!
Aww Robyn, I just want to say from the bottom of my heart thank you. For always always being such an amazing role model and an example of courageously going toward what your heart is calling you toward. I’ve been following along for probably about 8 years now, which means I remember well how you moved to NYC and how you were so scared about it but also knew it felt right, and then meeting Nick, and then the boys, and through it all, it’s always been so inspirational to me how you never wavered from what felt right in your soul. I am currently in a place in my life when I know I am on the precipice of many changes, and I just hope I can be as brave as you when navigating those so that I can always remain true to my heart. <3
thanks Nicole for hanging in there all this time <3
You are definitely not alone. I remember having a convo with you about this and you encouraged me to listen to my heart. I took 1.5 years off from my clinical dietitian job to raise my baby. I started missing that side of me and found a part time, very flexible clinical RD job that didn’t bat an eye to my time off to be a SAHM. I also only feel comfortable going back because I’m thankful to not have to worry about childcare and have the support of my husband and mother. Who knows what will happen down the road and what my heart will want, but I can say that taking the time off was the best decision for me. I’m glad you shared your story. I think more healthcare providers need to hear they’re not alone. ❤️
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So overjoyed that you’ve found a good fit after taking some time off!! Thats so encouraging for me and others <3
Thank you for writing this and giving my some perspective! My little boy is 4 months old and I started work full time last week. To say it’s been emotional is an understatement. Your words, “frustrated with my conviction… why did God wire me this way?” put voice to my feelings exactly! I want with all my heart to be full time with my little boy but my husband and I have come to the decision that it’s not financially an option just yet. And as I get more into my work and new opportunities there are arising, I feel like I’m being torn into two people: one who loves my baby and wants to spend 24hrs/day with him, and one who is getting a kick out of doing something meaningful at work. But I appreciate your perspective about all the trial and error you did with the various scenarios of childcare and other logistics. There is still a road ahead of us to walk until we find something we are 100% comfortable with. So thank you for your honesty!
I think much of motherhood is a push and pull. You are not alone in your thoughts Amy! Be open in your journey and a I’m certain you will find what fits best for your fam and circumstances. So much love to you!
I have two concurrent feelings – one, celebrating you for choosing what you think is right and finding a happy place; and two, channelling the frustration of my own mother who gave up her career, got divorced a decade later, and never was able to leverage her education once her skills got out of date and ended up working below her abilities for the rest of her life.
Each of us needs to find our own path and partnership is for life – however there are certainly cautionary tales for what happens to women once they’re out of the workforce and reliant on a man to “provide” for them. The power dynamics can change in ways you don’t think they will. I wish you the very best in this.
The last half of your comment is what terrifies me. Of course, when you get married, you think divorce will never be a possibility, never even on the table. But you hear so many stories of people changing, drifting, etc. That is my biggest concern, that if something were to happen with my marriage, that I would have no way to support myself, let alone two children. I was a baker. I couldn’t even support myself on those wages, so I really don’t have anything to “go back to”. I’ve talked to my husband about this and he brings me back down. It’s not just that we are happy now, because honestly, we aren’t always happy, it’s that we are willing and able to work through hard times. I will say, though, that my goal is to find a way to bring in some income. Not just to help my family financially, but also for my own security. Robyn is lucky/smart in that her field is usually pretty friendly to returning/older workers and she has so much experience already.
That is how I was raised by my mom, “make sure you can always support yourself” and I am certain my mom raising me that way was how I ended up with a career that can/could support myself and kiddos. She was one of three girls and the only one to be college educated (she has a master’s degree in education) But there have been drawbacks to that type of thinking as I’ve navigated what it means to be unified in marriage – this is my experience. I respect your comment Rachel and thanks for putting it out there with courage. For me, where I/we stand with our marriage and family, making decisions today in fear of what might happen in the future or trying to avoid “risk” is very counterproductive for me and my fam.
This was really brave to put out there! I have a similar-ish story that also “doesn’t make sense to the outside world” – right after graduating from law school (I went to a great school and did really well), I made the insane decision to move with my boyfriend (not fiance, not husband) overseas for his job, making it extremely unlikely that I would be able to find typical work in the legal profession (and making it impossible that I’d ever find the type of work that I wanted to do). Everyone thought that I was crazy. And now, six years later, it’s going great! We’ve lived in many different countries and traveled all over (and we did get married). I’ve found amazing jobs and done so many interesting things. You can’t plan your life out!
Wow what a cool testimony! so so so glad you’ve had such fun adventures and you took the leap Katie!
Thank you so much for sharing this! I’m currently at home with my 8 month old and pregnant with a second baby. It’s truly such a difficult choice to stay home, and I really have struggled with being “just” a mom (even though I know there is so much value in being a mom). That said, I also recognize the privilege to even have the choice because of a supportive husband and situation that allows me to be home. I find true joy being home with my baby also, and I just appreciate you voicing that as well. I know it’s not for everyone, but it’s always good to hear different perspectives.
congrats on baby #2 Claire! you value at home is so so so so GREAT. remember that always! thanks for your words <3
Thank you for your honesty, Robyn! While I feel called to working full time in a ministry role, I know the struggle of loving what you do and loving your babies and trying to figure out what’s best. I’m grateful you open up yourself — I know I can relate to so much of what you shared. Thank you!
I have a very similar story to yours. I’m a mom of 4 and i have a masters in social work which i worked very hard on. I graduated with a nursing newborn and I was so excited to have a career. Got a great job and worked part time with a toddler and a baby. I loved it- I loved being productive, loved being able to get out of the house every day, loved earning money and having a professional job. That all changed when baby number three came around. At first I sent her to a great babysitter (my big ones were in school already), and this worked out perfectly. Then, from one day to the next I had this crazy feeling that I want to be a mother. Things didnt feel right- I stopped feeling that I need outside stimulation from a job. I wanted to be home, with my baby, doing mommy things. I started resenting my job, resenting being pulled in different directions, and I had the exact same feeling as you- I wasn’t doing my job fully and wasn’t mothering fully as long as I was working outside of the home. And so I left my job. I was a little ashamed to tell my social work friends about it. Many people asked me “what are you going to do all day?” my goodness! being a full time mother was a lot busier than working and mothering! But as time went on I fell into my role as a mother and loved it- never looked back. Its what works for me- not for everyone. I still renew my social work license and get my CEUs but right now Im home with baby number four (first time Im home with a baby since birth) and feel like im giving her and myself the biggest gift. I get you- you feel like your identity has changed, who are you, did you throw away a good opportunity, etc. but dont eat yourself up- you are giving your kids a gift for life, and no one in the world can ever give them what you can. A present , relaxed mother is priceless. We live in a crazy society where success is measured by your career and accomplishments, but this is so wrong- you are accomplishing and building WORLDS!!!!!! DONT LOOK BACK!!!!! be proud of yourself and enjoy every minute
Thank you so much for sharing, Robyn! I really appreciate your context-sensitive approach to this post in how you acknowledge that the experiences of career and family are so subjective and different for everyone, and for the bravery with which you shared your own story.
Although I am not a mother myself, your internal conflict of how your current choices and path don’t necessary align with what you set out to do a few years ago or what you planned life to look like really resonated with me. Your acceptance and embracing of what truly feels right for you and your family, rather than trying to align with a different set of expectations (whether your own from a different chapter of life or cultural expectations of “success”), is powerful. Way to navigate the complexity of life! Wishing you all the best.
Thank you for such an honest and thorough post on your process.
The way you write about your frustration and struggle to accept these truths for you resonated so strongly for me. My struggles are not the same as yours but I have my areas that I still white knuckle because I cant seem to let go of wishing my truth was different than it is, so thank you again, for giving me words that described such a challenging feeling.
It got to the point where I knew I had to do something about it fast, you know. My weight was getting out of control and I couldn’t even walk up the stairs without getting out of breath. I was pretty worried about my heart and blood sugar levels and my doctor gave me enough warnings. When I starting taking this new tonic formula in the mornings, I noticed the changes were happening after only 3 days. My junk food cravings just disappeared like that. I felt like I had lots of new energy, you know and the weight started dropping off real fast. The change in my quality of life has been phenomenal. I feel like I did when I was younger. I’d definitely recommend it if you want to make a change in your life for the better.
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Robyn, It’s always a delight to read what you so honestly have to say. I’ve lived in NYC and Boston along side you, so it’s rewarding to see how and where life ends up taking us!
I’m not in the place of life yet(ever?!?) of relationships, marriage and babies, but I feel similarly in making choices that don’t make sense, but feel right. I left a job that I made decent money at, but took too much time away from me and my music practice, which is my ultimate goal and what I went to school for. When I would see colleagues and friends, they asked what I was doing and if I was working, and I was mostly at home practicing and freelancing, but I was happier and sleeping more! I’m still also almost entirely financial dependent on my parents. I’m so, so grateful for their support, and to not have to worry about money, But it does make me self-conscious amongst my peers, and reinforces a gender power dynamic which I’m uncomfortable with, and hope doesn’t follow me into future romantic relationships.
Despite two degrees, my most rewarding and enjoyable work was babysitting and dogwalking. That people trusted me with their most precious cargo made me the most humble and proud! But because of my education, I was able to be a thoughtful, creative and educational babysitter. I think it’s important to remember the value of well-educated women and parents in providing support and development and resources to their young children that set them up to thrive! Your education is an asset to your boys and a testament to your hard work! Something that I’ve thought about education as well is that even if we don’t end up using all, or any of the knowledge, that we acquire there, the discovery of self and discovery of universally applicable skills is priceless.
Hugs<3
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Robyn, I feel like I’ve known you for years. I know we have even spoken a few times throughout the years directly. You have always been a huge inspiration for me. I remember WAAAY back before you went back to school and I was so inspired by your private practice work that I went back and finished my own Masters JUST so I could try and do private practice. I am today in a similar dilemma where I am working agency work full time and I continue to be so scared to take the plunge into doing more at-home telehealth work. I know it’s possible. I do it part-time already, but change is hard, no matter the reason or season. At 36, I too, desire to be a mom and want very much to start a family, but the thought of working full time agency work and being a mom seem so overwhelming. Yet again, your post has been very encouraging and it’s definitely provided me with a bit more clarity, especially in knowing that I also continue to have immense emotions and longing to be more at home, where I feel more at peace. I absolutely loved this post and thank you for sharing!
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Thank you so much for this! I googled “Left nurse practitioner job to stay home” to see if there was anyone else or if I was a crazy oddball. I got what was my “dream job” in integrative/functional medicine primary care. But J cried myself to sleep several nights a week. I enjoyed the job but I was working 46-48 hours a week and I missed my kids! So I left that job. I’m working a PRN flexible job as a Registered Nurse at a local college. It’s fun and I can work very PrN up to regular part time if I want. I don’t miss calling patients with test results, reviewing an inbox’s full of labs and radiology results, answering patient messages, etc etc. and wondering if I’d get off in time to get to the field for my kids soccer practice. I’m not sure what my future will hold but for now I’m enjoying a low stress job that ends on time when I punch out
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Thank you for writing this. I was sitting here with my 10 month old googling ” how can I be a great mother and also continue my career?”. I am an FNP, PMHNP, and we have such a similar story as far as professionally. Your story really resonated with me. I decided recently to also step away from my practice (where I was already doing telehealth) and solely focus on my family. I still have some bad days where I feel like I am not enough in either realm, but making it through. I think time will help, and who knows what the future holds. I appreciate this information more than you know. Wishing you the best!
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