Coping with a changing body is hard. And I think a lot of the challenge comes because our society conditions us to think our bodies should always be the same size. Stagnant. We should be able to keep them the same size throughout our lives and if we don’t ….somehow we aren’t disciplined or devoted or put together or valuable or enough.
Maybe that resonates for you? I know it has for me.
It’s hard to appreciate and care for something that society tells us we should change. But to find peace with your body, body changes are inevitable at one point or another in your life. Maybe you’re in recovery from an eating disorder or disordered eating, maybe you recently had a baby, maybe you’re pregnant, maybe you’re post menopausal. Maybe you’re healing from hypothalamic amenorrhea. Maybe you’re simply growing up and no longer 19 anymore and find your body is changing as you move through your twenties. And maybe there are a lot of other things you’re experiencing that might cause your body to change.
It’s okay. You can appreciate and care for your body without loving it. And I think it’s okay to recognize that you might and probably will have negative thoughts about your body at one point or another even after you do accept your body. And you also might have thoughts about purposefully changing your body. The important thing is learning to listen to your healthy self and choose to continuously care for instead of micromanaging your body.
Buy new clothes.
Try to buy things that can fit your body at a range of sizes. Your set point is about a 10-20 lb range so purchasing clothes that fit your body at the bottom and top to its natural range can help you to accept that range is…in fact…natural. That it’s okay for your body to ebb and flow and that your body is suppose to do that. Build a wardrobe that supports rather than controls this.
If you’re in the process of finding your natural set point – whether you are currently below or above your natural set point – purchase clothes that can accommodate your changing body through multiple size changes. And choose clothes that don’t touch and pull and tighten in places that will only cause you to think about your body more. I know when I’m wearing a pair of pants that hug around the waist in an awkward spot or fit too tightly, I feel less comfortable and negative in my body. Maybe find some stretchy pants, leggings/jeggings, flowy tops and big comfy sweaters that you make you feel good. I love Thred Up for second hand clothes and clearance racks and have found great pieces at Goodwill and other local thrift shops.
Practice daily gratitude for your body.
I know it might sound cheesy or therapist-y or be uncomfortable at first, but your body does A LOT for you every day. Make a list of all things your body DOES for you. Take some of those gratitudes and right them on sticky notes to post in noticeable places – maybe the dash of your car, your purse, inside your wallet or planner, on your bathroom mirror, etc. Remember, your body wants to work with you. It’s been there all along waiting for you to stop working against it.
Soem examples of gratitudes might be…
- my legs allow me to carry groceries up the stairs to my apartment
- my immune system helped me to fight off infection
- my body grew another human being
- my arms allow me to hug my loved ones
- my lungs allow me to enjoy a beautiful hike
- my eyes allowed me to see that wonderful sunset
Make a Pinterest board that includes a variety of body sizes.
This might feel uncomfortable at first, but it can be extremely therapeutic and helpful as you learn to come to a neutral place with your body and with how you view all bodies. Exposing yourself to different body sizes and seeing them all together helps to shift your mindset around body diversity. And to accept that there are a variety of different body sizes that people can be healthy at and one isn’t better than the other. They just are.
Cultivate a sense of embodiment.
Gentle yoga is a way to begin the settling and embodiment process if you are not use to relating to your body or connecting to your body. We might enjoy others forms of movement, but they can disconnect us more than connect us to our body. I enjoy running or an occasional bootcamp or spin class…but those don’t make me more mindful of my body…at least not for me. Gentle yoga can and does. Other forms of yoga can be helpful too, but here we’re talking about gentle stretching yoga like restorative or yin yoga. Here’s a great 30 minute video I found on YouTube to get you started.
Also you can do body scan meditations. They only take 5 minutes or so, but can be really powerful in helping you connect to and feel your body. It also helps in engaging your parasympathetic nervous system (your rest in digest system) so you can calm your body and mind and learn to be more mindful. A helpful self care tool in just 5 minutes. I’ve linked to one below (source) so you can do it right now 🙂
Appreciating and learning to care for your body is hard work and it takes time and patience. If there’s a part of you that resists working with your body instead of against it, know you’re not alone. Often the behavior changes come before the heart change.
I hope you’ve found these helpful – share anything else that has helped you or any thoughts in the comments!
needed to hear this! im 18 weeks pregnant and really struggling this time around with my changing body! and this is my second pregnancy. Ive been trying to just listen to my body and really eat normal. Its a work in progress. I have already gained 15lbs and it was a struggle for me to accept it at first but I have gotten better and just keep reminding myself that my body is making a human being. So thank you!
I feel you, Casey! I’m 12 weeks and I’ve already gained around 10 pounds– my body is hanging on to everything I eat! It’s my first pregnancy and I wasn’t expecting this at all. I bought a couple new tops (I’m thankful I was able to do this) and feel a lot better. Our bodies are changing in the best way! 🙂
Remember you can trust your body – this is a new season so you are going to learn so many things about yourself as you learn to care for yourself in this new transition. <3 See my comment to Casey for a wonderful resource 🙂
xx
Hi Casey! Kylie from Immeatthat is a wonderful read for all things pregnancy related when it comes to intuitive eating, self care and body acceptance if you haven’t checked her out yet 🙂
Hi Robyn,
You’ve made me realize, from the moment I started to read your blog, that nourishing and taking care of our precious bodies in a gentle, caring way is one of the most important things in life. And sometimes we can be our biggest bullies though…
Thank you for reminding me of that 🙂
A thousand kisses from the Azores, Portugal
We can be our biggest bullies! We would likely never say the things we say to ourselves to others.
Wishing you have a restful weekend!
I love these types of post. I still remember that post a long time ago you wrote about when you gained 10 lbs. and was okay with it. THAT post was one of the pivotal points in helping me accept my own body. The discussion here about growing and changing bodies especially from early adulthood into actual adulthood is so important. We often hear lots of talk and discussion about the awkward stages and changes of puberty, but I think this change from young adult body to adult body gets overlooked. My body changed a lot from the time I was 25 – 30 years old. I experienced curves where I didn’t have curves before. At the same time, I found myself really being negative about the fact that I couldn’t fit into clothes I wore in college. It really took a shift in mindset to understand I wasn’t SUPPOSED to fit into these clothes anymore. Now, I do what you emphasize here. I cleared out my closets of all the clothes that were intended for a young adult body and bought new clothes that work better for my adult, woman body. I love flowy tops and have found high waisted jeans have been so underrated! Buying clothes to fit the body you have presently is one of the most important things I think we can do in our journey to body acceptance!
That was three years ago 🙂 I’m so glad it was helpful! Agree with your points here Amber!
As usual, this post appeared when I needed it most, Robyn!!! I’m back on day 1 of no calorie-counting, after a couple weeks of being “mad” at my body and not trusting it. The sentence about our bodies always being there waiting for us is so beautiful and really resonated with me today. Thank you thank you thank you.
P.S. Breakfast today was my favorite egg sammie! Egg, tomato, avo, and herb cream cheese yaaaasssss. Because I was craving it, not because it “fit” into my day. Feels so RIGHT.
Use that sentence to empower your “healthy, wise” mind when the disordered mind gets loud. Remember compassion for yourself <3 rooting for you!
The bfast sandwich sounds fab!!
Thank you for the advice! I’m currently in a season of eating disorder recovery and am getting closer to weight restoration (yay!!), but one of the more difficult aspects is clothes fitting differently. I love your capsule wardrobe posts and I am curious if you have any brands/styles of pants or jeans that you recommend for work and for more casual occasions? I’m currently not working in pursuit of recovery but will be returning soon and my position is in health care and I am fairly active/social/outdoorsy on the weekends.
Rooting for you in your recovery journey Kate! It’s hard and brave – I admire you.
I love gap jeans and pants because I find them stretchy and forgiving – especially jeggings! Also love athleta leggings 🙂
oh my GOSH, I needed to hear this today. I have been running each week doing couch to 10k…for no other reason than I wanted a goal that didn’t revolve around calories burned or getting to a certain weight/size and I do enjoy running. I have felt really big recently and in my non-IE head I have been falling into the temptation/thought-process of, “why is my body only getting bigger (not even sure it is, I think it’s just in my head) and I’m running this much? Shouldn’t it be getting smaller, if anything, even if I’m not doing it for weight loss?” I used to be a chronic over-exerciser and exercised to punish myself or make up for more calories eaten so I don’t know if this is just because I have been working out regularly or just a phase. All that to say, thank you for the encouragement and perspective! 🙂
I’m so glad the post resonated and was able to cause you to pause and think! We are always learning to better understand ourselves <3
My therapist always used to tell me that bodies are made to change. When I was struggling mightily with my body changing as I recovered from anorexia she always tried to tell me that no one’s body stays the same. Even after recovery, this is a lesson I have to learn again and again.
Yes yes yes. Accepting that our bodies are dynamic is a huge step in this process. You have a wonderful therapist <3
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As always, you hit the nail on the head. Thank you for this, Robyn!
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Thank you, Robyn! As always, your posts are so helpful and it’s clear they come from the heart. While I’ve never personally struggled with a diagnosed eating disorder, I’ve definitely absorbed the toxic messages of our culture (like pretty much everyone has) and I’ve had my ups and downs with my body. Your blog has really helped me focus on tuning out diet culture and doing what’s right for ME. 🙂
Yes! I totally agree yoga helps you get in tune with your body like nothing else. After doing a year of yoga I can tell a distinct difference between my body and overall life anxiety then and now. I have been able to use yoga to connect with God, my body, and my mind more. It has been so transforming!
OMG I’m so glad you wrote about this. I had to learn to accept that my body would constantly change throughout my life. It was really hard to accept that, but it does get easier! I tell my clients this all the time. I mean everything in the world is constantly changing so why would WE want to stay the same?
Thanks for sharing Robyn 🙂
i found you a few months ago and had been reading and reading old post as well…what quality content! and os thoughtfully written. honestly, you are so good at what you do and offer fabulous information and advice. keep up the great work 🙂
So needed to hear this! I have been fighting with 7-10 lbs ever since I turned 50. So frustrating when I look in the mirror and can’t figure out what to do to get my body back! Love your posts!
Thanks for such an amazing post! How does your body react to balancing horomones in the process of gaining weight? Also, I’ve has weight come on very quickly in the past month – roughly 10 lbs in one month. Will I continue to gain weight? When do you know it will stop stop?