I did a post a few months ago on reframing unhealthy thoughts that come from your diet/disordered mind. When I work with clients, I talk a lot about the “unhealthy vs healthy self” and the “disordered vs wise mind.” I think we all have these two separate sides of our brain. Cultivating a healthy + peaceful relationship with food, your body and yourself happens when we can strengthen our healthy, wise mind. The stronger our healthy self and our wise mind, the quieter and less influential that unhealthy side of our brain becomes.
Your healthy, wise self lives in line with your values and allows you to live a fulfilling, meaningful life. Your unwise, unhealthy self distracts from that and convinces you to live your life striving to meet unrealistic expectations and gain the approval and acceptance of others instead of living out your values.
This process of becoming rooted in your values and strengthening your healthy self can take a long time. So it’s okay if you feel frustrated with continued thoughts that tell you to eat this and not that or to exercise this way and not that or that tell you your body isn’t enough or you as a person are not enough. It’s okay if you hate your body right now or if the that comes with eating outside your safe foods or safe times or safe places feels overwhelming. This isn’t about fixing it all in a day. This about about the journey – because that’s where you’re going to learn and grow. That’s where I’ve been able to, and continue to, learn and grow.
So when this whole journey towards self acceptance and kindness and compassion and freedom with food and your body feels like too much…think about taking it one decision at a time. Can you ask yourself, how can I live in line with my values right now?
Learning to reframe some of those unhealthy, disordered thoughts into healthy self, wise thoughts is vital in this process. So let’s continue from my last post and reframe some more thoughts I hear from clients or I’ve experienced myself. We’re all this together, fighting diet culture and the lies we’re led to believe about our worth and our value.
First sugar is not addicting, the research illustrates that. Here is an easy to read, fantastic article on why sugar is not heroin. Marci Evans, a fellow eating disorder RD here in Cambridge has spent years digging through the literature…and this blog post she wrote in addition to a podcast she was on will hopefully quiet the lies and fear mongering for you. No one food is going to do collateral damage to your body…we can get into a place of catastrophic thinking when it comes to food, exercise and our body. Deep breath.
Take a step back and give your brain space to decide if a thought is true or not. Remember not everything you hear, see or watch is true. You are not a sponge. Demonizing sugar and keeping it “off limits” in your brain actually makes you more vulnerable to a chaotic food experience with sugar and prevents you from being able to make mindful decisions around sugar. That’s how our biology works. I truly believe everyone can get to a place with sugar where they can freely say, “I really want a cupcake, that sounds good!” or “I don’t really care for a cupcake.” Reframing that thought might look like, “No one food is going to destroy my body or health, but stressing over food actually might negatively impact my health.”
Your body is the master at controlling its size. Your mind is not. A causation relationship between weight and health simply does not exist. Health is so so so so so so so so much more than weight/size. Taking some time to allow yourself to get really clear on what healthy means can be a powerful first step in body image work. I spent multiple sessions with clients dialoguing through and getting crystal clear on what healthy actually is. Because you are xyz size does not mean you are xyz degree of healthy. And from my own experience and working with a lot of women, micromanaging body size never made anyone happier. Instead it usually ends up in food and body preoccupation, self-hatred, disordered eating and eating disorders, isolation and poorer health outcomes.
I too was there. Very few women are at peace with their bodies, either because we think we’re fat or because we fear becoming fat. Remember that body image has nothing to do with your body, it has everything to do with your mind and relationship with yourself. Your happiness being contingent on your body size will always end up disappointing. What happens when your body changes? Is it wise to root your happiness is something that isn’t static? Because we are all aging so are bodies will change. Reframing that might look like, “I can choose to be a caregiver of my body, I do not have to love my body.”
I use to think if I ate preservatives or food additives I would get cancer. Sounds a little (or a lot) dramatic now. And this dialogue underlies the majority of our food fears. We are bombarded by so much health information on a day to day basis that it’s really easy to sip…or chug…the kool aid. I totally get it. I was there too. At one point I use to have anxiety when I saw other people eating dairy because I was scared for their health….did they know they were essentially eating their way to cancer?! Being 100% transparent here.
Can you take a step back, take some deep breaths and see health from a much larger lens. There is a lot of conflicting nutrition info and opinions out there, but researchers and clinicians can pretty much agree that getting back to basics with food is good for our health. The stuff you learned years ago…fruits, vegetables, whole grains, healthy fats and quality protein. And eventually, after moving your way through the steps on intuitive eating and letting go of diet rules, giving yourself full permission to eat and coming to a neutral place with all foods…your body will crave foods that embody those nutrition basics. We also know intuitive eating improves physical and psychological health so we can begin to reframe this thought and silence that unhealthy side of our mind. “There is no direct relationship between one food and one health outcome, my job is to care for my whole self – body, mind and soul.“
Almost always after you’ve been restricting food and you begin to eat rhythmically again or more often, you will experience increased hunger. Your body is not compensating as much anymore and holding onto every ounce of energy you give it. When you’re ignoring hunger cues and starving your body, your body is super clever and it knows how to alter body systems to keep you alive. So it slows metabolism, slows your GI system, lowers body temperature among other things. When you begin eating in a normalized way again, it’s like, “Hey she’s feeding us! Let’s utilize this energy and then ask for more!” This isn’t your body betraying you, this is your body starting to trust YOU again and actually healing. You could reframe that with, “It’s my mind that can’t be trusted, my body has been there all along and it knows exactly how to manage and metabolize food.”
Maybe you can’t deal with it all at once. And maybe you can’t deal with the changes right now because you don’t have the tools and support you need. That’s okay. We all can do very little (if anything) alone in this world. But with the tools and support YOU CAN move through and survive the anxiety. Sometimes looking at the big picture can be really overwhelming…the idea of tolerating your potential natural body size can be paralyzing. Breaking it down and focusing on just today can be helpful. Can you tolerate your body just today. Can you root into your truest self and focus on living in line with your values? Eventually those values overshadow and become far more important to you than having a certain body size. This work is hard. So it’s okay for this to feel extremely, frustratingly hard. You don’t have to like or accept your body right now. And it’s okay if you don’t ever love your body…but can you take one tiny step today to be a caretaker of your body? Reframing that might look like, “If I choose to, I CAN deal with the anxiety because my life is worth it and I am valuable.”
I hope this was helpful for you in strengthening your healthy, wise mind so your unhealthy mind becomes quieter and quieter. I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments and any unhealthy thoughts that you’re struggling with that we can reframe in a future post!
I talk a lot about reframing thoughts and living in line with your values in my new online course on healing hormones – because stress can create a hormonal frat party. If you haven’t yet and you’d like to sign up for my free mini email course on healing hormones you can do that here.
I’m curious about the statement that “A causation relationship between weight and health simply does not exist.” There are certainly diseases for which weight loss is an evidence based treatment – Ex type two diabetes and primary hypertension . Some countries even use gastric bypass surgery as a first line treatment option for T2DM. I completely appreciate the statement that being “overweight” does NOT mean you’re “unhealthy” but I just wanted to highlight the fact that weight loss is an important, non pharm treatment option for certain diseases. From your friendly neighbourhood primary care physician 😉
Hi Andrea! I love the way you ended your comment – hi to you too 🙂
Sure there are correlations (which I think is what you are describing) but weight in and of itself is not the cause of disease and other health problems. Removing the focus on weight does not imply ignoring health risks and medical problems…but it allows health care practitioners and the patient to focus on behaviors. If people do lose weight to help manage chronic disease, they are almost always changing lifestyle behaviors so we have to wonder if it’s the weight itself or was it eating healthier, moving more, getting more sleep etc etc…and it’s mostly the latter. I hope that helps clarify a bit!
Thanks for addressing this, Andrea and Robyn! This is something that has been on my mind as well. As a future healthcare professional, I am too taught in school to encourage my patients to lose weight to prevent or manage chronic disease. Robyn, when you say “eating healthier, moving more, getting more sleep etc” could be the mechanism for improved chronic disease management and not necessarily the losing weight part, is there current literature out there that supports that statement? I.e. how can we prove to other healthcare professionals that it’s the lifestyle change and not the weight loss piece that positively impacts physical health?
I’d love to learn more about how lifestyle changes v. weight loss strategies positively impact heart disease, diabetes, hypertension, etc., even if a patient does not lose weight. Thanks so much!
Jules
Hi Jules! Yes A LOT of literature. So much actually that supports exercise alone improves health outcomes independent of BMI, lack of sleep in and of itself raises A1C etc etc. Email me and I’d love to email you the PDFs!
I’m a dietitian and I appreciate and agree with Robyn’s point of view when it comes to chronic disease, weight and weight loss. I specialize in prediabetes, diabetes and PCOS. When a patient has been referred to me, their provider instructed them to lose weight. I find this advice to be pretty useless to them in terms of creating healthy habits, and it sets the stage for an obsession over weight and a poor relationship with food. Simply looking at their lifestyle factors and supporting small changes that will be most impactful to managing their blood sugars is so much more empowering to the patient. I also often see improvements in blood sugars way before significant weight loss.
thanks so much for your insight Samara
Thank you so much for this Robyn! Your words are truly carrying me through this transition to a relationship with food and my body that is filled with peace and joy rather than anxiety and restriction.
One thing I’ve been wondering lately is how to give food less importance, and ultimately less control, in my life. I think about it a lot, from what I’ll be eating next to planning groceries and meals for the week. I love reading about food and finding new recipes, and while this can be a source of joy, I’m not sure that it’s healthy at this point in my journey to let it consume so much of my time and mental energy. Have you found any good ways to focus on food less, while still acknowledging the realities of planning for groceries and meals?
I second this feeling! I love food, and am genuinely excited about it in any ways, but it takes up so much of my brain space to think about my next meal, what I’ll cook next week, looking at good blogs….im really proud of how far I’ve come in terms of allowing myself to eat a variety of foods and not micromanaging calories etc, but I think I would feel more free if I could let go of food even in seemingly less harmful ways. I would also love to hear any suggestions from you, Robyn, about how to redirect these constant thoughts about food. Thanks!
Yes exactly! I’ve definitely made progress by moving away from a restrictive relationship with food, but I’m realizing that even things like constantly planning my next meal/meal plan or looking at food blogs and new recipes probably isn’t the best thing for me right now. I want to move away from food taking up so much mental space in my life, and that means letting go of the need to plan every meal out and read about it so often.
Hey Marlies! I hope my comment to Genevieve at the end 🙂
Yes! I struggle with this too! It used to be a lot worse with obsessing over food and I’ve come a long way but I still find myself thinking about food a lot, planning my next meal, browsing food blogs, etc. While it’s I’m not stressed about food like I was before I do think it’s still taking up more of nu life than it should bem I would love some tips on breaking away from this as well.
Hi Jasmin! I hope my comment to Genevieve is helpful 🙂
yes! I also feel this way. Part of the reason I first decided to get help with my disordered eating/exercising was because it was taking up too much brain space. Now I have gained weight back but I notice that I go through phases where my mental energy is still largely consumed by thoughts about my body (appearance), food, and exercise. The thoughts are different, but I feel that it is still taking away from me living my life.
Ladies, I am so sorry you are struggling with this, but I am so happy to know that I’m not alone. I have expanded what I eat as well and am working with an RD, but I find that I am constantly thinking about food. And oddly enough I am finding that I’m simultaneously “afraid” of feeling hungry and overeating. I want to notice hunger and then ask myself what sounds good rather than thinking about what I will eat all day long. Lots of love to you all.
Hi Trista! Totally hear you. I hope my comment to Genevieve is helpful for you 🙂
I’m so glad they have been healing for you Genevieve <3
I think what you are experiencing can be a really normal part of this journey that a lot of people experience. First I would ask yourself if you have any physical, mental or emotional restriction with food ...that can create a lot of "mind hunger" with food. Another avenue is begin to explore what things you enjoy and who you are outside of food, exercise, body...maybe that's a hard question to answer because you don't know and that's okay. Perhaps giving some time and space to explore other parts of yourself and starting to pursue those can help you build a fulfilling like outside of food/body/exercise. I hope that helps get you started!
Great post! All of the fears you talked about are what held me back for years from really working towards recovery. I still struggle with the word “healthy”. Whenever I read/hear phrases like, “eating healthier” or, “healthy proteins, fats, etc.” my lovely black and white brain automatically jumps to all the “unhealthy” things I eat and I start to feel guilty. I also start to think about how I should cut out those things to be “better” and “healthier”. I’ve gotten better at ignoring or reframing those thoughts, but it’s hard. I don’t think that “healthy” is a bad word, but there is so much judgment wrapped up with it, similar to how much judgment is wrapped up with the word “fat”. Changing your brain is hard work, for sure!
It is hard Hillary and takes time but eventually you become less and less vulnerable to those words/experiences etc. Rooting for you!
Hi! I have a request for a blog post or even a quick blurb about your opinion on a subject. I’m sure you’ve seen the “keto diet” becoming quite popular lately, and I have a lot of friends who rave about it. I’ve never been on any sort of “diet” and don’t believe in them, and this blog always echoes that same sentiment. However, I am truly curious about the science behind this one. I know it’s been used for years to control epilepsy in children, but on the surface, to me it sounds like it cannot be safe to use for weight loss. What I’m trying to get to saying is that I’d love to hear the medical and dietician thoughts on this. What exactly is happening inside your body when people are trying to put themselves into ketosis? I actually worry about people I know using it. I don’t understand the mechanism of action of this way of eating and I’d love to hear an explanation. Thanks!
Love this idea Sara! Writing it down for a future post, video etc.
the fear that you reframed that is resonating with me the most right now is the one about anxiety. I recently shared with you how far I have come in my journey, but suddenly it’s like I’ve fallen way back to the beginning: not trusting myself, hating my body, feeling so disgusting that it’s hard to go to work or be fully present in any of my responsibilities. The word paralyzing truly describes how this body image anxiety makes me feel. And I feel worse about it because I thought I was “over it.” Thank you for reminding me that it is okay to acknowledge how HARD this work is. Your post inspired me to spend a little time today refreshing my memory on what my real values are and to examine how I am living in alignment with those, in THIS body.
Thank you!
My heart goes out to you Trista <3 Remember that this is a never ending journey and you never arrive ...this is an ongoing process and different life season will present new vulnerabilities to old ED behaviors. So think of this as one big learning journey of you learning more and more about yourself and have to care for yourself in different situations...stay curious and trying to extend gentleness to yourself throughout this process. You're human and this journey will ebb and flow <3
I’ve been following your work and your colleagues that share the same philosophies for a while now. Yesterday I was getting ready to make a donation to The American Heart Association Jump Rope for Heart and on the donation page it said (very clearly) that “A $75 dollar donation will teach a child how to avoid obesity.” Before your work, I would have thought nothing of it, but now it just makes me really sad. There are a thousand other ways they could have reframed that in a behavior positive manner. How about: $75 helps teach a child how to take care of their heart! I see now how judgmental and even cruel it is to identify someone as simply obese and suggest there is something inherently wrong with them as a person (and we are talking about children here!). Anyway, thanks for pioneering the cultural shift. I hope we can all learn to be intuitive in all areas of our life-not just around eating!
Oh this is so heartbreaking. I totally hear you on re-wording that in SO MANY different ways!
I too use to use the word obese without second thought so everyone is in their process with awareness – the most important I think is spreading this message in a welcome and empathetic way. Thank you for being a part of this!
I loved the part about not having to love your body and dealing with body changes. It. is.so. Hard. I’m trying to accept my recent weight gain and try to look at the positive aspects of it, but it’s a constant challenge. Can I tolerate my body today? Yes. Thank you for this.
Yes. For today YES.
Love all your ideas for reframing unhealthy thoughts! And I love how you always acknowledge that it is an ongoing process.
I have questions similar to some above commenters- working in a hospital, and specifically on a stroke unit, it seems that the vast majority of my patients are obese (according to BMI standards). So what you’re saying is that while their weight may be correlated with certain disease processes, it isn’t the cause? Thank you!!
yes, weight is not the direct cause of chronic disease – there is SO MUCH MORE to health than weight and research shows us that
Thank you THANK YOU for this post, lady! One of my favorite messages: Your body is the master at controlling its size. Your mind is not.
For so long I thought I could be in control (how exhausting), but now that I’m trying to honor my body instead of change it 24/7, I have so much more space and light and love in my life!
On a happier side note, are those Trader Joe’s flowers? I have the same ones 🙂
so much more space!! Yes they are 🙂 Love a good TJs flower deal
Oh, Robyn this is so helpful! Thank you.
Seriously love how you talk about reframing our whole thinking and not being as overdramatic or overfocused on ONE tiny little thing like sugar or preservatives but really looking at the big picture. It especially helped what you said about being a caretaker of our body even if we don’t have good ‘body image’ at the time, we can still take care of it gently and kindly! 🙂 I APPRECIATE YOU friend!!!!
<3 <3 <3
I have been struggling with restrictive eating and accepting weight gain that is very necessary. Your suggestion of accepting and being ok with your body TODAY is so great! Thinking of all the weight gain in the end is so daunting no matter how important I know it is and taking it one day at a time has finally given me some peace about it all! Thank you SO much for all the knowledge you share it is helping me immensely during this journey!
so much love to you kathleen! rooting for you <3
“Your unwise, unhealthy self distracts from that and convinces you to live your life striving to meet unrealistic expectations and gain the approval and acceptance of others instead of living out your values.” Yes to everything about this! I am so glad I read this today because the past few months I have taken a step back in my progress of accepting my body as I have been gaining more weight than I feel comfortable with. These suggestions in changing specific mindsets have been so helpful. I will have to write some down and hang them up for reminders for realistic and more helpful thoughts.
Thank you Robyn
You understand this like nobody else.
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