5 Thoughts

1. our world

I’m sure I’m not alone in feeling like 2020 has been a heavy year. Particularly the past few weeks with the murders of Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, and George Floyd. Social media, while it can be powerful and positive, has felt like a really noisy place for me lately. I have an aversion to performative allyship – it doesn’t sit right with me and so I’ve found it challenging to know how to both consume and engage on social media.

The change that needs to happen in our world is a marathon, not a sprint. The amount off change that needs to happen can feel overwhelming. I’ve been off social media for the most part recently and will likely be pretty quiet on there in the coming weeks. I’m not a healthy person when I’m trying to appease people by doing things I think I should – it leaves me feeling far away from God where my motives are very misaligned with my values. For me, it’s been most helpful to have really honest and vulnerable conversations with Nick, our small group at church and close friends. Safe spaces where I can lay it all out, process and get feedback, wisdom and gracious criticism. I think there’s a lot of heart work to be done and a lot of ways I can do better. Both personally and professionally.

These two IG posts I shared on stories last week really resonated with me.

I listened to a really powerful talk on black vs white maternal and infant mortality given by a black physician when I was at the NPWH conference in Savannah last October. That talk has stuck with me. He spent the majority of his talk on how racism and the oppression black people experience induces epigenetic changes that heavily influence health outcomes. And it’s foolish to think we’ve undone centuries of oppression and racism in the past 50-60 years. I watched 13th later that same week and also recommend that documentary (it’s on Netflix)

I really like the podcast To Birth and Beyond – it’s informative and IE/HAES aligned. Earlier on a walk this week, I listened to this episode with Tekara Gainey, a black doula and advocate for reproductive justice, and found it really informative and helpful. Charlottesville has an ugly history with racial issues. Where I’m at right now with social media and my real life – I feel the most impactful thing I can do is focus on the issues and community right in front of me. And as I come across helpful resources & information, share those on social media as it feels appropriate. I’m human, and deeply flawed, so even what I’ve said here I probably could have said better.

2. Summer Pregnancy

Late pregnancy during the summer in Charlottesville vs the winter in Boston is VERY DIFFERENT. I’m constantly sweating and wanting to change my clothes. Many of my shorts and shirts are tight and leggings are just a no-go right now with the heat & humidity so I’m finding myself doing laundry daily so I can wear the one or two things that fit on repeat. I want nothing tight on my body. What I really want to do is just lay around in underwear & a bra all day until this baby comes next month. I’ve really enjoyed going on walks + doing 10 minutes of Barre3 most days. Lately, I’ve been getting to bed a bit earlier so I can get up a little earlier and going out for a 3 mile walk after I drink some coffee, poop, eat a snack and read the bible for a few minutes.

I was doing some walking during Cal’s nap since Nick is working from home, but it was getting too hot in the afternoon and I found I was then really wiped by the time he got up from his nap. I like walking alone with a podcast vs hoping Cal will want to sit in a stroller for 30-45 minutes – that’s not enjoyable for me. I’m thankful Nick does morning + breakfast duty so I can get out for some alone time before the day begins because it makes me a more sane mom.

10 minutes of B3 is about all my body wants right now – more than that and I find it leaves me tired vs energized. I’m doing some Momma Strong here and there, but have found I really like the 10 minutes of barre best for now. I think the chiropractor (and doing the stretches and PT exercises they tell me to at home) and the Spinning Babies daily essentials have been really helpful in allowing me to still feel pretty good physically in terms of aches and pains. I think every woman has a different threshold and capacity with exercise when pregnant and this is mine right now. I have a friend who is due 2 days before me and is still doing some running which is something my body is definitely not up for, but her body is. I share what’s working for me because I find it helpful to hear how other women are respecting their bodies throughout pregnancy.

3. Homemade popsicles

I made these coconut pineapple popsicles for Cal and I to eat for afternoon snacks and they are GOOD. I wanted something with a good dose of fat so it was a more filling snack for him and found this recipe. I have a plastic popsicle mold that I bought a few years ago on Amazon but they don’t carry it anymore or I’d link it because it works really well. Next time though, I’ll half the recipe because I ended up with more that my 6 molds could hold.

4. Things I want to preserve from Quarantine

2020 has been an unexpected year, but I’ve learned discomfort can be a powerful catalyst for growth if I let it be. I don’t like discomfort, so sitting with it can be really hard for me.

There has been a lot of uncomfortable things about quarantine. But I also realize that overall, Nick and I have not been impacted by COVID like others have and man, I’m grateful. That is a gift. Some things that I want to keep when, one day, we are back to “normal” life again:

• less hurry – I’m not a planner and instead prefer last minute plans, but regardless I tend to feel the need to fill my social calendar an/or keep things interesting and not repetitive – quarantine has shown me the rest & contentment that can come with more slow and mundaneness to my days and how sometimes the most simple things really are the most fulfilling
• time in nature – since most things are closed we’ve explored what feels like every nature area in Charlottesville – most Saturday’s we head out hiking and most weekday afternoons Cal and I are at a creek – I wouldn’t have sought out nature this much if it wasn’t for quarantine because we’d be on playdates or at the library or splash pad or pool more often
• family time – I’ve been really thankful for how much time we’ve had as a family of three before this baby arrives since Nick isn’t traveling for work and our socialization is limited – there are many parts of that I want to hold onto

5. Enneagram

I’ve never been into the enneagram. Finally, a couple weeks ago after I had several friends tell me I needed to know my number, I took a test and also read up on each type to see what resonated most. I’m a 7 wing 8 and knowing that (especially the weaknesses of that type) has been so helpful for me. I’m excited to dig into it more to grow personally, but also my marriage and relationships in my life. I think it can be one tool for understanding yourself and others, but I don’t like to think of it as the end all be all of who I am.

That’s what’s on my mind. Would love to hear what you’re thinking about these days in the comments!