I’m not a unicorn or type A super human.
I don’t have my days mapped up and my google calendar color coded.
I don’t cook all my food on Sundays and have meals planned out for the week.
I have a set morning routine or a set bedtime.
From the outside, it might seem as if I “have it all together” – but when I get emails asking how I do it all, one of the first sentences in my reply back is….I don’t.
And I never want to appear that way. I’ve gotten a lot of emails asking about how I do it or how to stay organized. This post isn’t about doing it all or staying balanced or getting yourself organized – sure, there are things that help along the way – but the more important thing is adapting to your day to day chaos and embracing the ride. And I don’t do that perfectly either.
Looking back, even though my first year of nursing school was the busiest based on demands on school, life was actually the most streamlined. I was new to the city so most of my friends where in nursing school too, I was single, Nutshell was less busy, and my volunteer and church commitments were low. I was still late sometimes, got help from my classmates with remembering things like what room class was held in or what homework was due, and had nights where I didn’t get many hours of sleep.
As I type this, one of my best friends Britt is on the couch next to me and just asked, “what are you blogging about?” I respond, “that I don’t have it all together because when people ask me I want to immediately say….ohhh, you have not seen my life.” And she says, “Well most people don’t get to sit next to you on the couch and watch you be stressed because you woke up 3 hours late and are stressed out when you have nothing important to do today.” Yes, deep breaths Robyn.
It was the following summer when I moved downtown with Britt and Anne, began the MSN program at Columbia and started dating Nick when things got messy.
My social life was {excitingly but still stressfully} full, I lived with two girls who were like sisters so home was super social, I started a part time nursing job and Nick, in a good way, took up a lot of my time. That year was when Nutshell hit another growth spurt and I hired Cody. All good things, but suddenly I was juggling a hella lot of things and my anxiety heightened.
I had experienced a little insomnia and anxiety when I moved to the city the year prior – the pace and intensity of the city was overwhelming at times, it wasn’t the roughest transition but was very much not the smoothest either. But here I was a year later, with a plate that was overflowing with responsibility and I felt out of control trying to control it. I battled a lot of anxious thought and sleeping problems that year. Some months were better than others. But it was just really, really hard to rest, to breath deeply, and to chill out. It was as if I had jacked up the treadmill speed, was running fast, but couldn’t keep up.
Nick and I had countless conversations about pairing back, taking things off my plate, creating margin, etc etc. And while yes, all those conversations where helpful and created some change – like quitting my nursing job, hiring Cody to take on new clients, and saying no to social things – it was really a heart change that needed to happen.
I had to be okay with not doing everything and above all, be okay with disappointing people.
If I said no to friends, that was okay.
If I quit my nursing job, they would fill my spot.
If I ate every meal out for a month straight, I wasn’t being financially irresponsible.
If I didn’t get a 97% of that exam, I was still a competant nurse + student.
If I didn’t get a blog post up, readers would understand.
I do a lot of things, but I don’t do them all perfectly and I don’t do it all. It’s still a huge work in progress. I try to be as real and honest as possible, because the positive influence of social media in being able to relate to people. But there’s a lot you don’t see. Like when I call Nick crying because I’m so anxious about boards. Or when I accidentally oversleep my alarm and miss a client session {praise God for understanding clients} or when I have an empty fridge, an overflowing laundry basket, three unreturned voicemails to my friends and haven’t even thought about that assignment or freelance article that’s due in 2 days.
But it’s more than okay. Because there is so much grace.
Over the past few months I’ve prioritized the top three things that are important.
Loving Nick {and Jesus} and preparing for marriage. Investing in a few friendships that are important. And doing well at my NP job.
That’s it. If I have time for other things, great. But only those things am I pouring my energy into first. Then, as time allows, I can do other things like volunteer at Avail on Monday evenings, or write a blog post, or say yes to that friend’s dinner party, or actually cook two recipes in a week instead of grocery shopping at 9pm for eggs + sweet potatoes.
Creating boundaries in my life and being okay with things never going as planned have kept me sane. I can plan all I want, but when I don’t get to bed when I wanted or when the subway takes 30 minutes longer to get somewhere, I have to take a deep breath and adapt. So maybe I don’t work out that day, or I don’t get all my emails answered, or I ask that friend is she can graciously raincheck our coffee date without fear of her thinking I’m a crappy friend.
It’s okay.
Practically speaking those boundaries have looked like:
Only seeing Nutshell clients on Mondays.
Asking myself three times before I commit to anything.
Not signing up for workout classes the night before so I can be flexible.
Doing a lot less social things on weekends so I can rest more.
Only answering email for two 45 minutes blocks per day.
Using my bullet journal for everything.
Spending time in quiet stillness with with my bible {almost} every morning.
Taking deep, deep breaths when the trains aren’t running on time.
Practicing gratitude.
I don’t have it all together because I’m human. And doing it all is impossible.
That’s okay. There is no such thing as balance. If I’ve learned anything over the past three years in New York City and nursing school, it’s to stop fighting for balance and instead embrace what is.
To press into whatever today is and find the joy + gratitude in that. And you guys, that’s freaking hard. But it’s what leads to less stress and less anxiety…and instead, a fuller life.
You are AMAZING and such a inspiration! I think people are lying if they have it all together. Sometimes our lives are more put together and other times they are a hot mess, but such is life. I am glad that you have a amazing support group that you surround yourself with as in the end that is the most important. xoxo
Yes it totally waxes and wanes and we just have to roll with it 🙂
I just adore you. Thanks for being real and all that you do. I find you very inspirational, yet relate able.
I’m so so glad you find it relatable – we are all just human 🙂
Your continual transparency inspires me Robyn. The day I came across your blog, I grew a lot in my own well being. Thank you for always being an honest reminder.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 months now, and he, in a good way, takes up a lot time. But I have a job, and I’m taking 20 units at college. Life is all a little too much. The first thing usually to go is self-care, but that’s not fair to my body. I’m still trying to figure out my balance.
I love your point “asking myself three times before I commit to anything.” I am quick to accept an invitation or obligation for fear of disappointing someone, only to regret it hours later. I need to implement this mantra into my life.
That question I got from Brene Brown and it has been SO helpful. Thank you so much for reading and following Julia! Wishing you only the best 🙂
Have you read For the Love by Jen Hatmaker yet?! If not, I highly suggest checking it…not to put another thing on your to do list! 😉
Jen speaks to this topic with so much grace and love and wisdom — I think you would enjoy it!
Thanks for keeping it real on your blog – always one of my favorites to read!
no but I’ll have to add it to my list! thanks for sharing and reading Tricia!
xo
Beautiful. This hits home so hard, Robyn. My friends from my Dublin study abroad program named me “most likely to have it all together”, and I was FLOORED. I was flattered, sure, but mostly shocked because that is so far from the truth. I am hard on myself when it comes to academics, my faith, and my relationships with others. But life has a way of humbling you more and more every day in the most frustrating yet wonderful ways sometimes. One of my friends said something beautiful a few weeks ago that relates greatly to your post: “God doesn’t love us because of all these things that we do. You just have to exist for Him to love you.”
You are such an inspiration in humility, love, and hard work, Robyn. Thank you.
that is such a true true statement thanks for sharing Allison 🙂
Ohhhhh how we don’t have it all together and that’s okay because we don’t have to!
Oh Robyn, I’m so glad I found your blog! I read several healthy living blogs, and all are real women who I mostly can relate too. But sometimes I think, how can she find the time to work out every day?! How does she have time to prepare homemade avocado toast for breakfast, every morning?? I’m and RN and am currently studying Medical Dietetics at OSU in Columbus. This morning I only had time to stop at McDonald’s for an Egg McMuffin, (for shame;)! (I did order apple slices too, ha! #winning) But reading about the reality of your life, and the fact that you mentioned grace, well, it’s just what I needed to read today. Thank you for opening up about your life and congratulations on your upcoming nuptials! I look forward to many more more inspiring (and mundane, every day;) posts! God bless!
Haha I can so relate to you Angela so know you are NOT alone 🙂 d
Thank you so much for reading!! xo
This is SO refreshing to hear girl. I tend to get super caught up in a lot and dont’ take the time to focus on myself and really take care of myself. I try to manage too much when in fact, I need to slow down, prioritize and be happy… life isn’t worth living if you’re just trying to push through the motions.
nope we have to slow down to soak it up!
You seem like one *adaptable* woman, Miss Robyn. This was a refreshing blog post. xoxo
adaptable perhaps to a fault sometimes- Nick steadies me out 🙂 xo
AMEN! Love love love your honesty. I have been wrestling with this lately, too. Love how you mentioned that sometimes we have to be ok with letting people down- that is so tough for me. Hallelujah for GRACE 🙂
Thanks for being so honest. I’m an RD and recently started my own private practice, and my life has felt a lot like the hot mess express! Everyone seems so put together and it makes me feel even more stressed out. Thanks for making this all seem a little normal!
Always will keep coming back for your wisdom, sincerity, and authenticity.. Thank you!!
I am about seven months into my 15-month accelerated BSN program and still feel like I am adjusting to everything. Most of my friends are in the nursing program, but they aren’t super close friendships and I really miss having a community who knows me well. I know these things take time and hearing your story about nursing school & how settling in a community takes time has been so comforting to me!
Again, loved this post! Thank you x a million. You have no idea how many times I’ve gone back and read your blog posts because they are just that encouraging and real. Wish I could give you a massive hug in real life!
Hi Robyn!
just curious – when you moved in with Britt and Anne in NYC, were they friends you made through your first year of your move?
Yes! I met them at Apostles (the church I joined) and then we moved in during my second year here 🙂
I really needed this tonight. Thank you for reminding me that boundaries are good. Focus on priorities is important. And grace is everywhere.
everywhere if we look for it
xo
Going through the same thing right now and honestly this post just made me breathe a sigh of relief. One of my favorite meditation lines is to “notice the pause between breaths” and this reminds me of that. Simple ways to slow down and find grace when that’s just not possible
Ahhhhh I love that. It’s in the slowing down that we find the fullest life 🙂
LOVE this! I’m a new reader and am really enjoying your posts. Your take on nutrition and life is so refreshing because it is based in TRUTH! I’m glad that you’ve been able to realize that it’s okay to not be perfect. The performance treadmill is so exhausting and can rob us of so much joy, rest, contentment, etc. We all want to earn our worth and value, it just looks different for different people. SO grateful that my identity is not determined by what I do, my successes/failures, or what I look like, but solely in the work of Jesus on the cross! 😀
AMEN SISTER. Keep your eyes locked on Him <3 <3
Thanks for reading and welcome 🙂
Thank you for this post Robyn! You are an inspiration and I am constantly amazed at your honesty. I can relate to the constant need to go-go-go all the time and
I feel unproductive or lazy if I’m not doing anything. I am working on being okay with resting and being present; you are a role model for me. I hope to meet you one day! Thanks again!
resting is SO HARD which seems silly but know I’m right there with you! xoxoxo
Thank you Robyn; I don’t have it all together either, and I really love that you share the hard, painful, difficult, stressful, anxious, wonderful, happy, freeing moments of life. You know what’s amazing? Every time I’ve interviewed a girl on the podcast about her recovery story, they almost always mention you as one of the most influential bloggers in their life. Keep being you; keep sharing what God has given you to share, the messiness, the beauty of it all. <3 I love how you prioritize 3 things, and the rest of the things can go by the way side if they need to.
thanks so much for the sweet comment emily! keep doing what you do! xo
Love love love love! Robyn, thank you for always being honest and vulnerable, especially in a public setting–that is NOT easy, but SO valuable and needed in our world of social media “perfection.” Much love to you girlfriend.
so glad you can relate and enjoy it! xoxo
You are doing great!!! It is nice and refreshing to see the non-IG perfect picture/story because social media can definitely make me (and I’m sure others) feel like everyone else’s life is perfect and they have got it all figured out when we don’t. Keep doing your thing girl!
and we sure don’t! i’m part of the hot mess club
xoxo
This is such an inspiring post, Robyn. You do so much for your blog and all of us who follow your blog on top of planning a wedding, having a job, going to school…not even to mention the amount of time and energy it takes just to adult. And that planner. Girl. That is a *full* life. I love your three priorities, but I would like to suggest one addition. Love Nick, Jesus, and yourself! 😉
“the time and energy it takes to adult” ha – and I thought being in college was busy and hard 🙂
I’ll add that to the list 🙂 xoxo
This is so inspiring and relatable. My roommates tell me all the time that I’m doing everything and that I have it all together, and that couldn’t be much further from the truth. My life is great, but “together”? Ha. I’m just winging it and doing my best, like everybody else. I’m learning to give myself the same grace I afford others, and it’s not easy, but after years of being so hard on myself, it’s getting better.
its a work in progress and I think we learn to be more gentle with ourselves as we get older. It’s all about the ride 🙂
Ah I love this post! Thank you for sharing! <3
Another beautiful post Robyn
Thank you for your honesty, sincerity, humility and grace. You sharing all of this is a gift to all of us readers and I’m beyond grateful and inspired every time I read a post of yours
Blessings????
Thank you Suzanne for your support – I am so glad you are enjoying the posts!
This is SO GOOD, Robyn. And I know as much as this is a testimony to your own life, I feel it is so important for others to hear. This is something I’ve been trying to focus on in my own life. Through you blog and Kylie’s (Immaeatthat) I realized I was letting exercise literally rule my life. Something that once was fun and something I WANTED to do, became something I hated, something stressful and something that didn’t feel good anymore. I have REALLY worked on letting go of training plans, schedules, races, etc. Instead, I have focused on just MOVING 3-4 times a week in whatever way I feel like. Sometimes that’s running on a beautiful day, others its walking on the treadmill while zoning out to a tv show. More than anything, LETTING GO of thinking I had to be running X number of miles a week, has allowed me to get my life back! Thank you for this great post!
I adore Kylie 🙂 Thank YOU for sharing and making women feel less alone – you are going to have such influence! So happy for you and the new found freedom! xoxo
I connect with this so much. This has been a year to embrace this life of mine and to realize it is imperfect – as it should be. Breathing & meditation have been a savor for me, and as I work through a tough time right now, I can actively see how much better I am doing than if I would have been placed in this situation a year ago. Thank you for sharing your heart <3
thank YOU for sharing – timing is always as it should be 🙂
xx
I relate so much! I am always push my self and creating unrealistic expectations until it all comes crashing down. One thing my counselor suggested that has really worked for me is scheduling “worry time”. I found that a lot of my unwanted stress and anxiety comes from not addressing my worries and just ignoring them, so I take 5-10 minutes a day to make a list of my worries. After I write them down, I am able to look at them and mediate and pray about my fear more intently. I am then able to see which ones are rational or irrational. And sometimes I will draw a line under the list and start a new list with rational responses. It doesn’t always work because ya know life and anxiety and fear, but when it does it provides such a relief and calming feeling.
Although I wouldn’t suggest doing it at the beginning or end of your day bc it could affect your mood for the day or sleep. I usually do it in the afternoon.
love that exercise – thanks for sharing Nora!
you have a great counselor 🙂